Clothes

Woman on cell: Take him home in a straitjacket, or take him to the psych ward in a straitjacket…either way, he's not going to be happy.

Saratoga, California

Overheard by: Coffee shoppe caffeine junky

Sober sorostitute with heavy smoker's voice: Like o-m-g, I just decided on my Halloween costume!
Drunk sorostitute, stamping feet: Oh my god! What?! What what what?
Sober sorostitute: Wait for it…wait for it… Little ho peep!
Drunk sorostitute: Can we have sex with the little ho sheep?

Duke University
Durham, North Carolina

Overheard by: Disgusted

Five-year-old boy: Hey, I got an idea! Let's get naked!
Visiting adult friend: Yeah? And then what?
Five-year-old boy: We'll sit in the street!

Mason, Ohio

Overheard by: Rachel

Loud high school chick in back of the bus: Remember when Amanda was wearing that skirt and she farted? It sounded like she dropped a fucking bomb! Wheeee-boom! Everyone applauded, it was that fucking cool.

Alberta
Canadia

Overheard by: bitingontinfoil

Punk girl: For some reason, everything you do makes sense when you're in only your panties.
Purple-haired girl: I know, right? It makes sense to me too!
Tall greaser guy: In fact, it wouldn't make sense if you weren't only in your panties.

Bakersfield, California

Annoyingly talkative woman: I got my pumpkin t-shirt at Old Navy eight years ago. I wear it every year. But I've only worn it… eight times!

Commuter Train
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: M@

Woman to friend: Is she aware that we have three Talbots and a dog bakery?

Princeton University
New Jersey

Enthusiastic two-year-old boy: Mommy, my bottom just burped!

Illinois

Overheard by: martha

Sober teen: The mall is, like, all about clothes now.

Towson, Maryland

Overheard by: Sven Johnson

Small boy with ice cream cone, trying to get mom's attention: I peed my pants! I peed my pants! Mommy, listen to me, I peed my pants!
Mom, deadpan: I bet that's real uncomfortable for you.
Dad to son: When we get home we are just gonna have to hose you down.
Son to dad: Oh yeah, make me lay on the yard and then spray the hose on me, and on my penis, and down my pants on my penis!
Boy's brother, from minivan: Ew! You can spell the pee!

Bucks County, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: free birth control