Professor to 20-something assistants, about sighting them at a bar: So, I thought I saw you the other night, but I wasn't sure because I thought that all you do is type.
UC Merced
Merced, California
Overheard by: Seriously?
Professor to 20-something assistants, about sighting them at a bar: So, I thought I saw you the other night, but I wasn't sure because I thought that all you do is type.
UC Merced
Merced, California
Overheard by: Seriously?
Professor: So what happened in Germany between 1928 and 1930?
Student: 1929!
Fordham University, New York
Overheard by: Sromeo
Gay professor: Yeah, so running through these questions should go a little more smoothly this time around. I looked around for what was causing it to go so slow last time, and I realized that there are disadvantages to letting your 14-year-old take your laptop to Tahoe for the weekend. I mean, really–how much lesbian porn can three teenage boys download? (class laughs) So, uh. If anything pops up, you know who to blame. I mean, it certainly isn't my secret fetish.
San Francisco State University, California
Overheard by: It isn't mine, either.
Chemistry professor: A good chemist feels what his molecules are going through. A good chemist can relate to his molecules.
Macalester College
St Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: Mac
Girl #1: And she was like, “Hi, I'm Ashley” and stuck out her hand.
Girl #2: Did you smack her in the head? And tell her to stop talking like that?
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Older male professor, addressing a large lecture hall with only girls: So you see, in my body you will find lots of regular cells, and also you will find cells that are in the process of meiosis; and those are my sperm cells.
Barnard girl: That is so awkward.
Barnard College
New York
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Girl #1: Well, if you're totally past it, it won't matter.
Girl #2: But I'm not totally past it, and it does matter. I hate that I did that to someone. And I know it sets feminism way back, but…I mean, Jesus, before I met him, I was like, “No way am I gonna reproduce!” And then…Bam! I'm like a fucking salmon Metro-Northing it for unrequited spawn.
Girl #1: You weren't gonna have kids?
Girl #2: Homie, I can't even handle my period.
Girl #1: I hear ya.
Girl #2: I'm not sure his kind of crazy and my kind of crazy would translate well into offspring.
Girl #1: But your kind of beautiful and his kind of beautiful would make for adorable children.
Girl #2: Oh, shut the fuck up, I'm not beautiful. I have no forehead.
Girl #1: You have a fine forehead.
Girl #2: I have a threehead.
Girl #1: It's a fine forehead. If your forehead was a person and mine was a person, my forehead would totally have sex with your forehead.
Girl #2: I can't believe you. I haven't talked to you face-to-face for more than a year and within ten minutes of reuniting, you're already talking about forehead sex.
(she looks up)
Girl #2: Oh, shit! That's my mentor, and I think she just heard me say “forehead sex.”
Sarah Lawrence College
Westchester County, New York
Girl: I'm not going to have fun because I'm going to be sober…and whiny!
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
Lady carrying huge crate of Girl Guide Cookies to campus rent-a-cop: But they're just kids! They were just trying to have fun!
Campus rent-a-cop, genuinely surprised: They were smoking pot on my campus!
McGill
Montreal, Quebec
Canadia
Guy exiting art class to female friend: I sleep through that whole class. It's all I can do.
Girl: What about when she asks attendance questions?
Guy: Well, I wake up for that part. It's just… God, I hate her! She's always talking about vaginas! And I'm just like, “Hello! I know what a vagina looks like!”
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
