Guy #1: Man, that movie was so good last night — I was so baked.
Guy #2: Yeah, that shit is so much better when you’re high.
Guy #1, after a pause: If you were a bird, what kind of bird would you be?
Guy #2: I don’t like birds.
Guy #3: I’d be a pterodactyl, dude.
Cafeteria line, Colgate University
Hamilton, New York
Grad student: How did you crack your rib? That's awful.
Administrative assistant: My husband.
University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: Lisa
Teacher: I've decided that the Japanese live on another planet, that we can sometimes take a plane to.
Art Institute of Washington
Arlington, Virginia
Gangsta guy: So Brenda had sex with her cousin, but didn't know it was her cousin.
Woman: How do you do that?!
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Sloppily-dressed teen girl to another: Do you know how many new outfits I would have to buy to carry a baby around for nine months?
Sam Houston State University
Huntsville, Texas
Elderly Bible as Literature professor: People often say things that catch people off guard. Like if I said even Jesus shat.
(entire class goes completely silent)
Professor: Holy shit, huh?
College
Massachusetts
Religion professor: Contrary to popular belief, bingo is not a sacrament!
North Central Michigan College
Student: So, the only way they won't kick me out of college is if I was diagnosed with a mental problem. Do you think I can pull off bipolar?
University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire
Drunk guy to two girls: No, really! My ultimate fantasy is to have sex with a ridiculously hot girl while you two are on the futon eating cheetos!
Aburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Guy to girl: I just had this overwhelming urge to drink vinegar, and it worked!
University of New Orleans
Louisiana
