Woman #1: Hey, check this out.
Woman #2: What? Gross! Is that bacon? Is there really bacon in there?
Woman #1: Looks like it.
Cashier: I haven't personally tried it, but everyone who has says it's really good.
Woman #1: I bet it is!
Woman #2: No way. I mean… that's just too weird. Bacon? In chocolate? That's almost like bisexuality: I want to try it, but, I don't.
San Francisco, California
Gay hairdresser: Ew, I don't think I could handle seeing dead people all gross and stuff!
Teenage girl getting haircut: You know, it's really not that bad… I kinda like it!
Straight hairdresser: Working downtown scares me sometimes…
Salem, Oregon
Pretentious student to professor: There were a lot of people there. Interesting people. But most of them weren't as interesting as me.
University of Maine
Orono, Maine
Teen boy #1: He's gay.
Teen boy #2: No, he isn't.
Teen girl: He's just orange!
Teen boy #2, laughing: “Orange” isn't a sexual orientation.
Teen boy #1, laughing so hard he's crying: I was just thinking that.
Teen boy #2: Hes like, an Oompa-Loompa. He's always so mean 'cause he's tall, they rejected him because he was different.
McDonald's
New York City, New York
Professor: When I tell people I'm an English professor they always ask what my favorite word is. You know what I tell them? “Fuck” is my favorite word. Also, “lackadaisical.” How about “lackadaisical fuck”? (laughs)
Gordon College
Barnesville, Georgia
Dude: That's why I love Macs, install windows XP and it's like (snaps fingers) twenty minutes and you're done.
Dude #2: That's not good! That's like saying (snaps his fingers) you've got VD!
Canadia
Teacher: No one liked middle school. Everyone hates middle school. I'd rather starve to death than teach middle school. I'd rather starve my baby to death than teach middle school.
Student: I liked middle school.
Teacher: Freak!
Portland, Maine
Husband, while driving: Wow, look at those cool clouds over there.
Wife: Where? Oh, those, the one that looks like it is going up?
Husband: Yeah.
Wife, after long pause: That one looks like a uterus.
Michigan
Overheard by: T
Woman, waiting for Two Gentlemen of Verona to begin: This is one of Shakespeare's comedies, right?
Friend: Yes.
Woman: Someone will cross-dress, there will be mistaken identity, and love triangles, and everything will turn out well. All Shakespeare comedies have the same plot.
Friend: Yeah, pretty much.
Woman: They're all just episodes of Three's Company.
Boulder, Colorado
Professor: And that's why caffeine is my drug of choice. (awkward pause) So who here had some caffeine today?
University of Rochester, New York
