Compare and contrast

Guy #1, walking down sidewalk: I really have to poo.
Guy #2, walking down sidewalk: Speaking of poo, I could use some poontang.
Random girl walking the other way: Oh my goodness!

Richmond, Virginia

Overheard by: Alexa

Wrestler's mom: You need to stop flirting with all of those girls.
Wrestler: But mom, she came up to me, and was hitting on me, and said she wanted to have sex with me.

Varsity Wrestling Meet
Buchanan, Michigan

Overheard by: Katie

Socially awkward math professor: And now I will attempt to get the same solution using method #2, and if I don't get the same answer, I'm just going to go slit my wrists. (writes on the board for a few minutes, gets a different answer) Well, shit.

University of New Brunswick
New Brunswick
Canadia

Overheard by: yeah, multivariable calculus does that to me, to

Girl on line: Guess what! I watched a video about Jews on YouTube today!
Girl next to her, embarrassed: Shhhh!

Bear's Den, Washington University
St Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Scandalized

Woman to thug in fur coat: Now, I don't even know your real name or your birth certificate name.
Thug in fur coat, puzzled: Most black people don't know each other's real names!

New Brunswick, New Jersey

Overheard by: EmGusk

Guy: We're cool now.
Girl: What?
Guy: I said we're cool now.
Girl: Oh, yeah, I know. That's why I smiled at you instead of slitting my throat.

Point Park University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: ZB

Math professor, after reading from textbook: I just lost all interest in life.

Portland, Oregon

Male student: Sorry to use an STD metaphor again, but I think the bee pubic hair represented herpes.

Whittier College
Whittier, California

Overheard by: Sam (kind of hard not to)

Customer to cashier: A lot of people say the witching hour is midnight, but it's actually 3 am. I know this because I worship Satan.

Supermarket
Columbia, Missouri

Overheard by: RW

Professor just before class starts: There's no sporting events this weekend, right? We need something to bet on. (pause) I've got it! How about the hurricane?

CSU Classroom
Fort Collins, Colorado