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Girl standing at the bar: I train armadillos to race horses around banks.

Killarney's
Hamilton, New Jersey

Overheard by: I wish I had heard the beginning of that conversation…

College guy: I went to sleep-away camp so long ago my counselor was Jesus Christ!

University of Rochester
Rochester, New York

Hungover conference attendee: Ugh, it's early.
Appalled conference attendee, scooting chair away: You smell like a dead hooker covered in alcoholic bum piss. And avocado.

Conference Center
Las Vegas, Nevada

Guy at party: You know, if I tell you it's 'cause I tell you, if not…why would I tell you?

Leon
Mexico

Overheard by: Oscar

Drunk girl #1: I’m Wells Fargo!
Drunk girl #2: Really? I’m Wells Fargo, too!
(they gleefully skip off together)

Pearl St Mall
Boulder, Colorado

Guy to friend: And then she said, “I am not even half the man she used to be.”

Oxford
England

Overheard by: Well, she WAS born in Germany

Older man walking into a jewelery store, to another: I'm not a sugar-daddy, am I?

Fashion Valley Mall
San Diego, California

Teenage girl: Oh for gods sake, just buy the tractor- it's about a million right? You can afford it!
2nd teenage girl: Yeah you're right, I can afford it.

Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia

College girl to three friends, completely serious: Yeah, I guess his penis had epilepsy or something.

College Dining Hall
Pennsylvania

Hipster guy: I cried so much when I watched it.
Hipster girl: It's a Wonderful Life made you cry? Ha!
Hipster guy: Shhhh! (looks around furtively)

Wellington
New Zealand