Three-year-old girl: Can I open this?
Dad: No. There are two hundred and fifty matches in there, and they’re going to fall all over the place.
Three-year-old girl: But I promise I won’t eat them.
Harvest Co-Op
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Three-year-old girl: Can I open this?
Dad: No. There are two hundred and fifty matches in there, and they’re going to fall all over the place.
Three-year-old girl: But I promise I won’t eat them.
Harvest Co-Op
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Teen gay guy: Hey, do you ever color your nipples?
Teen girl: Huh?
Teen gay guy: When you get bored you, don't take a Sharpie and color your nipples? (pulls up shirt and points) See, this one's pink and this one's blue.
Teen girl: Um…no, I don't.
Oregon
Overheard by: nyssa
Teen (brandishing Nerf gun): I'm gonna get you! Here I come! I'm gonna shoot you right in the mouth!
Small boy: Noooo! No more Nerf kisses!
Simi Valley, California
Overheard by: the mster
Band instructor, about section: No, no, clarinets! It has to be short! Like pizzicato–pluck it, like a g string!
Band students: (attempting to contain laughter)
Instructor: Aww, c'mon, what the hell!
High School
Mattawan, Michigan
Professor: And if rubbing dog doo on a child's coat makes me a bastard, then so be it.
University of Kentucky
Overheard by: Still laughing a semester later.
Student whose dessert slid off the plate: Nice try, cheesecake. You’ve only postponed the inevitable.
Michigan State University
Michigan
Overheard by: MrCandey
Drunk girl: I love cheese! It's because I eat so much of it, it's my number one interest on Facebook!
Streetcar
Toronto
Canadia
Man on cell: I'm getting a big beer and a bunch of donuts. (pause) Yeah, I know it's not a good hobby, but I figured I'd just go home and get fat.
http://overheardinpdx.blogspot.com/2008/11/mmmmmmdonuts.html
Overheard by: lachwen
Girl flirting with drunk guy in bar: So… you're pretty tall. I bet you're strong too…
Drunk guy: I appreciate the effort… but I'm pissed out of my skull. I'm trying to work out which of your two heads is talking to me… But I like your four tits.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Customer: My therapist wants me to start thinking of men as friends. Seriously though, if you can’t fuck’em, what’s the point?
Espresso Drive Thru
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: The Barista Who Loves Her Job
