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Elderly woman to woman across aisle: You can't trust crabs. Crabs are sneaky.

DMV
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: What about other sneaky crustaceans?

Young mother, in baby-talk: Aren't you excited to meet grandma and grandpa at the park? Do you think they're sad and lonely there waiting for us?
Toddler son: Noooo, they're drinking.
Mother, still in baby-talk: You think they're drinking?

St Charles Streetcar
New Orleans, Louisiana

Sociology professor: The world is fundamentally the same as 100 years or so. Fathers back then were worried about their daughters listening to the radio. Now, they worry about them “sexting” on their BlackBerrys!

University of Delaware

Overheard by: Who is sexting?

Furry man to girlfriend, loudly: So does your sister, like, *never* shave her legs?

Rutgers University
New Brunswick, New Jersey

Girl walking with two friends: God, you guys suck so bad! But, whatever…it means four whole penises for me. Yay!

Livermore, California

Girl to group of friends: And then he lifted up his skirt to reveal a fake vagina!

Comic Con
San Diego, California

Guy picking up copy of Les Miserables: Oh my god, look at the size of this thing! What a crappy book!

Barnes & Noble
Mankato, Minnesota

Stripper, yelling at boyfriend: You don't have to shave your vagina everyday to get tips from bald, fifty-year-old men!

Lincoln, Nebraska

Overheard by: late night studier

Middle-aged man: So, how is your husband?
Middle-aged woman: He left me three years ago.
Man: Oh. (awkward/embarrassed laugh) I'm sorry to hear that.
Woman: It's okay, I bought myself a kayak.

Charlottesville, Virginia

Blond on cell: She doesn't call us in six months and when she does, the first call is to tell us that her boyfriend is dead on some motel floor, and the second call is that her mom is dead on the sofa!

Houston, Texas