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Drunk episcopal priest in wine cellar: Yes! Yes! Science fiction is like religion, only backwards!

Penn Yan, New York

Overheard by: Liz

Disappointed man to child on shoulders: Cranes aren't that great.

Woodland Park Zoo
Seattle, Washington

Four-year-old boy holding 20-something girl's hand: I've got jungle fever! I've got jungle fever!

Jungle Cruise Line
Walt Disney World, Florida

Overly dramatic English teacher: You will have the face you deserve when you are eighty. I will be beautiful.

AC Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina

Slutty looking girl: I want to send a bulletin to all my male suitors: “you will not be getting into my pants by texting me and asking me to give you a back massage. The bum who told me god did a beautiful job making my legs this morning had a better chance.”

Ogilvie Train Station
Chicago, Illinois

Teenage girl: I could say “penis penis penis penis penis” all day and not feel weird about it.

Chino, California

Girl to friends, very confidently: And I will be that horse!

Memorial University
St. John's, Newfoundland
Canadia

Overheard by: Mel

College guy: This must be a joke. We live in a city called “Cumming,” we have a store called “BJ's,” and a store called “Dick's,” and a “Siemens” water tower.

Cumming, Georgia

Girl #1: No! They separated!
Girl #2: It's okay, they'll end up together eventually.
Girl #1: What? That's like saying “it's okay to be kidnapped, you'll end up with someone eventually!”

Miami, Florida

Math professor: Coming home drunk at 3 am and grading calculus papers is a great way to learn calculus.

Southern Methodist University
Dallas, Texas