Mom: A 21-year-old girl from Oshkosh died today, but they aren’t saying how.
College daughter: A house blew up this morning… Well, a mobile home, actually.
Mom: And it killed that 21-year-old girl?!
College daughter: Well, no. They’re unrelated. Actually, I’m just trying to upstage you… But a house really did blow up.
Appleton, Wisconsin
Stoner teen girl watching seals: If I ever turn into an animal, I hope I’m not a seal.
Friend: Why?
Stoner teen girl: ‘Cause just look at the poor things — it’s so hard for them to, like, move. They just wobble everywhere. No legs to help them. I feel so bad for them.
Camden Aquarium
Camden, New Jersey
Overheard by: maryjane
English professor: Outer space is occupied by evil orientals.
Marymount University
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Sarah Yvonne
Little old lady: I’m not a Pina Colada type. Give me a Coors Light and a nice doobie and I’m good.
Women’s Gym
Studio City, California
Overheard by: urzzz
Female student: I feel like I have a really tough skin, because I was always teased by my dad from the moment I was born.
Male student (in very serious, philosophical tone): Scorn was your breast milk.
University of Southern California
Overheard by: Got milk?
Scruffy-looking man to scruffy-looking friend: So everybody was dropping porn star names. I think we should totally continue dropping male porn star names, because it's so much more impressive than female porn stars. I am down with the porn stars.
London
England
Overheard by: ExpatManc
Girl rambles on in Albanian for two minutes, then suddenly in English: So you can just eat my toe!
Durres
Albania
Guy on cell, leaving campus: I want to be, like, the smartest guy working at Pizza Hut.
UC Irvine
Irvine, California
Overheard by: Tira
Little girl in stall: No boys allowed in here!
Little boy in the next stall: Well, my name's Simon!
Girls' Bathroom, Clemyjontri Park
McLean, Virginia
Overheard by: Ellen
Random girl in hallway: If you have a stuffy nose and are in an elevator with someone who just farted, but you don't know they did, does it still smell bad?
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Jen
