Father on phone to wife: No, it was at dinner, and then this drunk at the next table made a comment about our son. No. He said Josh looked like “a retarded page from the dark ages.” That's not funny. (long pause) I'll schedule him for a haircut tomorrow.
Pennsylvania
Girl: I'm not going to have fun because I'm going to be sober…and whiny!
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
Captain, over intercom, after lights go out: You are getting veeeery sleeeeeepy… You do not want peaaanuts… You do not want soooodaaa… You just want to sleeeep until we laaaaand.
Southwest Airlines Flight over California
Overheard by: Andrew
Student girl on phone: They made me drink loads of alcohol out of a massive bucket. It was beer and vodka all mixed together. Yeah, and then all the lads stripped off and started dancing on the tables, and they started smearing the curry on their naked bodies. It was awful, but I ended up going home with one of them, he's a rugby player.
Cambridge
England
Overheard by: Gemma
Frat guy to others: I can't believe I puked all over her tits last night. I was so fucking drunk.
University District
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Yujin
Girl #1: And everyone was like, “What? This isn't what was on the study sheet! This test is unfair! We're so confused!”
Girl #2: Oh, wow. Were you confused, too?
Girl #1: No, I didn't look at the study sheet. I went downstairs and drank a bottle of wine with you.
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Flamboyant male: Fuck you, Gatorade! Fuck you!
SUNY Purchase
New York
Bartender: I've never seen someone drink ten Jägerbombs in 15 minutes before…you must be from hell.
Slightly drunk girl: No! I'm from New York. 10? That was 10? Oh, crap, 10 is a lot more than 3.
London
England
Sorority ditz: It's not that I didn't want to do the homework, I was just too drunk.
USC
Columbia, South Carolina
Frat boy on cell: I am going to get so wasted! I'm going to get wasted on water. I will drink so much water that I'll be like, “Ahhh, I'm drowning in water!” I will be that fucking drunk, bro. With water!
Michigan State University
