Loud woman on phone: I was at the funeral on Wednesday and Melvin was sitting in the pew behind me. Halfway through the ceremony he leans forward and goes: “We're at the wrong funeral!” So we had to get up and find the right one. When we got there, the hill was so steep the hearse couldn't get up the hill! It was awful!
Train
Aberdeen
Scotland
Drunk aboriginal man to drunk friends: I just got out of jail. My mum's been crying for me, my dog's been praying for me, my uncle Bob's been praying for me, all to get me back to Narrogin. I tell you, I'm the king of that town.
Fremantle
Australia
Five-year-old girl: Hey, mom, you know how you hate “pop and switch?”
Mom: Uh…what's “pop and switch?”
Five-year-old girl: The one where they trade bodies.
Mom: Oh! Oh, yeah, I hate “pop and switch.” That's scary…
JCPenney, Florence Mall
Florence, Kentucky
Overheard by: Dohiyi
Homeless guy to girl passing by: The economic downturn has thrown me into an existential panic! (girl looks at him quizzically) Yeah, us street folk feel that shit too.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Alessa Colaianni
Woman: There’s nothing in my mouth that I’m ashamed of!
87 Bus
Jersey City, New Jersey
Boy: I feel naked.
(long awkward pause)
Girl: I'm glad you're not.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Overheard by: Molly, LQTM
Middle-aged woman with dog: Oh, she peed on my foot. That's your pee. That's your love juice. Did you put your love juice on me? You gave me your love juice.
Woman's friend: It's on your shirt now.
Middle-aged woman: Oh, she pissed on my shirt? It's okay, it's just love juice. Come here, stinks. Come here, stinky. It's just pee. Come, gimme kisses, stink-stink.
Woman's friend: Here, maybe you should let me hold her.
Middle-aged woman, hissing: Get away from my stinky! She gave me her love juice, not you.
Starbucks
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Pips
Girl: I am going to show you guys my toe, and you’re gonna be sorry!
Cresson, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
College girl #1: So it turned out that he was one of the lesbian triplets!
College girl #2: No way!
College girl #1: Yeah, the tranny!
College girl #2: Owen? I love Owen! I knew him when he still identified as a girl!
College girl #1: Yeah, and it turned out the midget was trans too.
Hampshire College
Amherst, Massachusetts
