“Thank You, Brother Fish, for Feeding Me,” I Said

Hipster to buddies: Look, all I'm saying is, that fish made me feel so special.

Stumptown Coffee
Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Addison

Posted on May 20, 2018
Animals, Bars & Clubs, Default, Feelings, Hipsters, Oregon

Next Time, Do It in Your Coy, Playful Way!

Angry Jersey girl on cell: No, you hung up on me in your manic, crazy way.

Church Tag Sale
New Jersey

Posted on May 19, 2018
Feelings, Girls, New Jersey, On the phone, Relationships, Weirdness

I've Already Gotten You to Cave on Drugs and Rock N' Roll

Older black man: You love sex! You do! Just admit it!
Young black guy: I won't admit it!
Older black guy: Yes you will! Yes you will!

Fremont Street
Las Vegas, Nevada

Posted on May 7, 2018
Black people, Default, Feelings, Guys, Nevada, Offers and requests, Old folks, Sex

Grande Penis

Teenage girl: That's why I got a coffee this morning, because my mouth tasted like penis.

Auckland
New Zealand

Overheard by: Cassie and Chloe

Posted on April 7, 2018
Default, Drinking & drunks, Feelings, Girls, Mouth, New Zealand, Penis, Teens

Sometimes Over the Intercom at Work, Just for Fun, But That's It.

Girl in skirt: And so she was just sitting in the stall on her phone when I went in! She was having a normal volume conversation.
Girl in pants: Ewww. What did you do?
Girl in skirt: I mean, I peed. But reluctantly. It's not like I want to broadcast my bodily functions to everyone, you know? (pause) I mean I'm broadcasting them to you right now, but not over the phone.
Girl in pants: Right. Totally.

Rockville Pike, Maryland

Posted on March 23, 2018
Compare and contrast, Default, Feelings, Girls, Maryland, Pee

I've Mastered “Fabulous,” But I'm Still Working on Three Snaps in Z-Formation

Construction worker #1: So, Lou, how's that gay thing going for you?
Construction worker #2: Goin' pretty good, Al, goin pretty good.

West Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: keeeeem

Posted on March 22, 2018
Construction workers, Coworkers, Default, Feelings, Pennsylvania, Questions, Sexuality

But They Look Fantastic the Whole Time

Professor: The Swedes. They look at the glaciers, go inside, watch a Bergman film, have a heavy drink, then have some sex in the sauna, but ultimately that is unsatisfying, so they kill themselves.

Oberlin, Ohio

Overheard by: Secret Spy

Posted on March 16, 2018
Class, Compare and contrast, Death & dying, Default, Drinking & drunks, Feelings, Geography, Movies, Ohio, Sex, Teachers

A Strategy I Didn’t Quite Think Through

20-ish chick: I can’t believe I faked a pregnancy just to get back at a guy! I’m so psycho!
Friend with baby: Pshhh, that’s nothing — I actually got pregnant!

Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Posted on February 8, 2018
Canadia, Comebacks, Default, Feelings, Friends, Girls, Pregnancy

The Sassy New Rap Song by Gloria Steinem

Old redneck to wife: I don't need no damn misogynist. I done tried that, and it didn't help.

Greenville, South Carolina

Posted on January 3, 2018
Character, Couples, Feelings, Insults, Relationships, South Carolina

Then What’s Sap?

Girl: Mister, what’s that?
Teacher: That is an air purifier.
Girl: A what?
Teacher: An air purifier.
Girl: That’s crazy, what yo need an air purifier for?
Teacher: To get the pollen out of the air.
Girl: What’s pollen?
Teacher: Well, when trees have sex, they release pollen into the air.
Girl: You mean I am breathing in tree jizz!? [Shudders in repulsion at the thought.][Whole class laughs.]

High School
Austin, Texas

Posted on December 15, 2017
Cum, Education, Feelings, Girls, Questions, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Stupidity, Teachers, Texas

Feelings

“Thank You, Brother Fish, for Feeding Me,” I Said