Male student: So, how’s your new roommate?
Female student: Well, she has one hundred thirty-three thongs.
Male student: She sounds like a horrible person.
Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland
Male student: So, how’s your new roommate?
Female student: Well, she has one hundred thirty-three thongs.
Male student: She sounds like a horrible person.
Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland
Mom: Arrrrgh. My brain just isn’t working today!
Eight-year-old (deadpan): Did you try turning it off and on again?
Steveston
Canadia
Overheard by: laughing sangria out my nose
Biotech: Wow. That girl wears clothes like she’s not fat, and that’s funny.
California
Overheard by: dev
Four-year old: But I want to go in there!
Frazzled mother: No! Let's go, we have to get home.
Four-year old (crying): You aren't the right mother for me!
Berlin
Germany
Hipster girl: Why won’t you take my last name when we get married? It would be really progressive of you…
Hipster guy: No, it wouldn’t! It would be emasculating!
Hipster girl: Emasculating? Like how?
Hipster guy: Like me wearing a dress…
Hipster girl: But you already do that!
IKEA
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Guy on cell: Yeah, I hooked up with her. [pause] I fucked her. She was tight. [pause] She hasn’t called me back. I don’t get why it’s so hard to take five seconds out of your day to see how I’m doing. [pause] She’s, like, Asian. Half Asian and half alien.
Barnes & Noble
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Hobo
Guy lying on girl’s stomach: Your bellybutton is probably the worst thing I’ve smelled this week.
São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: what about last week?
Music history professor, putting a CD in the player: And now we pray to the god of CDs. It’s not good to be a teacher with CDs. They are very stupid things. [Pause.] …It’s not good to be a teacher, perhaps that’s what it is.
Peabody Conservatory
Baltimore, Maryland
Passenger to attendant: Excuse me? They turned the movie off.
Attendant: Yes, we're landing earlier than thought.
Passenger: Oh, but the movie wasn't over.
Attendant: Sorry about that, but we need to turn it off for descent.
Passenger: But I was watching it!
Attendant: I am very sorry, but since we have started our descent…
Passenger, interrupting: But now I don't know how it ends!
Attendant: They all lived happily ever after.
Qantas Flight to Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Seat 14 F
