Hobo, sitting next to guys on bench: And then my guys, damn birds! (mutters incoherently) Everywhere! Fucking pigeons! They eat and shit and live and shit. (mutters incoherently) Cats, and mind control, that's what we need…
(hobo gets up and rolls down the street)
Guy #1: What the fuck?
Guy #2: I think he's my hero.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Cute girl to suit: What are you drinking?
Suit: Absolut on the rocks.
Cute girl: I prefer Belvedere.
Suit: Are you trying to get a free drink?
Cute girl to bartender: May I please have a Chopin Martini, up with olives? (points to suit, then turns back to him) Go fuck yourself. (walks away)
Hotel Bar
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: arrc
Man #1: I seen Jimmy the other day cuttin’ grass at my brother’s.
Man #2: Which brother?
Man #1: How many brothers I got?
Man #2: Two.
Man #1: Well, which one of ’em gets their grass cut by Jimmy?
McDonough, Georgia
Overheard by: lesley arango
[Two 20-something guys are staring at Colleen Moore’s ornate fairy castle dollhouse.]Guy #1: Oh, man.
Guy #2: No man on earth could have ever kept this woman happy.
Museum of Science and Industry
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Joan
Man: Yeah, we’re getting married as soon as she gets her ovaries removed.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Steve
Guy: My idea of fun is wearing a paper skirt!
Cupertino High School
Cupertino, California
Overheard by: shy invisible girl
Six-year-old boy to brother: You know who'll save you? Abraham Lincoln. Too bad he's dead now. He'll rise from the dead! And raise chickens! His chicken powers can't save you now!
Baltimore, Maryland
Guy: So, I had to sit through 90 minutes of Annie Lennox for work the other night. [Grimacing] They all idolize her in there, which I don’t get, because she’s a heterosexual.
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Meech
Girl, after US history exam: How did you do on the essays?
Serious boy: Well, I drew hand turkeys on three pages of the answer booklet, and on the fourth I drew a picture of Samuel Glompers riding a tortoise while holding a marble cake.
High School Gymnasium
West Palm Beach, Florida
Little girl to dad: Daddy?
Dad: Yes?
Little girl: Why can't brothers and sisters get married?
Toronto
Canadia
