Enthusiastic two-year-old boy: Mommy, my bottom just burped!
Illinois
Overheard by: martha
Enthusiastic two-year-old boy: Mommy, my bottom just burped!
Illinois
Overheard by: martha
30-something black man on cell: Yeah. Put ketchup on it, it tastes like spaghetti!
All Star Cafe
Berkeley, California
Guy with mullet on cell: He's in that “oh, my wife just died” mood. (long pause) Yeah, I know. Boo-hoo, ya fuckin' pussy!
Plantation, Florida
Overheard by: Just wants to buy some Spaghetti-O's
25-year-old man: Hey, Bella, I got you funyuns!
Five-year-old girl: Ewwww!
25-year-old man: Well, fuck you then.
Lake View Terrace, California
Overheard by: James Jameson
Loud fat man on bus: When I first found out I had diabetes, I had my wife go out and buy me a big case of pudding cups. I opened each one up and poured them into a tub with some milk.
Friend: Oh?
Loud fat man on bus: My mother-in-law didn't believe I could eat it, but I sat down in front of her and drank the whole thing, just to spite her.
Portland, Oregon
Businessman on cell: I could barely see over her head, dude! It was like reading Klingon for the first time.
Independence Avenue
Washington, DC
Drunk teenage boy: Heyyy, ssssuuuuupp, buddd… (stumbles away)
Sober teenage boy: I guess he's too drunk to notice that we're not friends.
Red Bank, New Jersey
Small boy with ice cream cone, trying to get mom's attention: I peed my pants! I peed my pants! Mommy, listen to me, I peed my pants!
Mom, deadpan: I bet that's real uncomfortable for you.
Dad to son: When we get home we are just gonna have to hose you down.
Son to dad: Oh yeah, make me lay on the yard and then spray the hose on me, and on my penis, and down my pants on my penis!
Boy's brother, from minivan: Ew! You can spell the pee!
Bucks County, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: free birth control
Instructor to swim class: Okay, who can tell me one thing we can wear to protect ourselves from the sun?
Three-year-old boy, after much thought: Teeth!
YMCA
Easton, Pennsylvania
