Guys

Guy to table of friends: I mean, what would you do if you saw a hippo putting on ChapStick?

Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: CJ

Guy, crying: Ahhh! I just had sex with Stephen Hawking right up here, in my head!

Starbucks
Biloxi, Mississippi

Quiet guy, interrupting conversation: Um, Ben, did you ever listen to Van Halen while you were at school?
Ben: Uh, no.
Quiet guy: Yeah, neither did I.

Geelong
Australia

Overheard by: Bemused

Little boy: My teacher doesn't wear a bra!
Mother: Did she tell you that or did you just notice?

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

Redneck girl: So do you worship cows?
Hindu boy: Yes, that's part of our religion.
Redneck girl: No, I mean you. Do you worship cows?
Hindu boy: Yes! I do, my people do, it's our religion!
Redneck girl: So when you go to church, there's a cow there?
Hindu boy: No, we don't go to church.
Redneck girl: Have you ever gone cow-tipping?
Hindu boy: What's that?
Redneck girl: It's when you run up to a cow in the middle of the night and push it over and it goes “mooooooooo!” I tried to tip a horse once, too, but it just looked at me.

High School
North Carolina

Older man: Let's go to that bikini coffee shop!
Younger woman: What? What?
Older man: It's a coffee shop where women with self esteem issues wear bikinis and serve… coffee. What's not to get?
Younger woman: Fuck you.

Seattle, Washington

Mom: No, that’s not an appropriate video, either.
14-year-old son: What about this one? It’s Christian. It only has violence in it!

Blockbuster
Liberty, Missouri

Overheard by: blockbuster lurker

Overly chatty middle-aged guy on date: Doctors love giving women a hysterectomy. They will find any reason to give a woman a hysterectomy. Like, we're already up there, might as well scoop it on out now.

Italian Restaurant
Highland, California

Overheard by: well,,,there goes my appetite.

Flat-chested girl (grabbing box of energy bars): Here, get some of these for tomorrow.
Guy: I don't know. Um… it says here that they're for girls.
Flat-chested girl: Yeah, let's get them.
Guy: But… Huh, well, haha, they're not going to make me grow tits, are they?
Flat-chested girl, staring: Hasn't worked for me.
Guy (putting box in carriage): Hm-mmm.

Safeway
Colorado Springs, Colorado

Guy: Yeah, and then there was uncle Marty, who was on his knees throwing balls at her…

Sydney
Australia