Scruffy ponytail dude on cell: Is the dog oozing or pulsing? Tell your brother to stop squeezing the guinea pig, I can hear it squealing! (pause) Yes I can! Yes I can, Ruth*! (pause) Oh, sorry, I guess grandma sneezing does sound like the guinea pig… Just wrap the dog in a towel and I'll be home in an hour.
Tampa, Florida
Elderly woman #1: How's your mother?
Elderly woman #2: She's great! She wants to get euthanized!
Chappaqua, New York
Tourist baby: Bah bah bah bah bah!
Tourist dad, changing his diaper: I hear ya.
Tourist baby: Bah bah bah bah bah bah!
Tourist dad: Uh huh.
Tourist baby: Bah bah bah bah!
Tourist dad: I told you not to mess with those guys.
(tourist baby laughs)
Tourist dad: Yeah, you know what I'm talking about!
Restroom, Walt Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: The Normie in the Handistall
Chick: No, if I take a shit I get the dish soap.
Guy: [nods understandingly].
George Washington University
Washington, DC
Man in bathroom on cell: Hang on a sec, I am going someplace quieter. (a few seconds later) Damn, hang on. I just peed on my hand.
http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/443767925/nobody-saw-that-coming.html
Overheard by: did they know you were in the bathroom? Ewww.
Little girl washing hands: Look, mommy, electric soap!
Women's Restroom
Salt Lake City International Airport, Utah
Girl, bursting into meeting: I just caught my period, yo!
Administrator, looking up: Congratulations?
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Me
Tanorexic blonde on date: So basically the fucking doctor told me that my cervix is fucked up.
Uncomfortable-looking date: Right…
Tanorexic blonde on date: Yeah. Cunt told me that it'd be like pushing a baby through a toothpaste tube. I gotta go get it widened or some shit like that. Or that thing where they cut you open…
Uncomfortable-looking date: A caesarian?
Tanorexic blonde on date: Yeah. That's it. Baby kebab.
Leamington Spa
England
Guy at party: What are you studying in that class?
Psychology grad student: We're learning how to administer and score intelligence tests.
Girl at party: I don't believe in intelligence.
Fort Collins, Colorado
Female college student: Do boys still really have cooties at thirteen?
Male college student: Nope. That’s when they get penises.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Meghan
