Hipster guy: Yeah, it probably didn’t help that I gave you poison ivy and then threw up on you.
Bar
Columbia, Missouri
Hipster guy: Yeah, it probably didn’t help that I gave you poison ivy and then threw up on you.
Bar
Columbia, Missouri
Angry suit on cell: I cleaned out my ass for you, bitch!
On the Street
San Francisco, California
Woman in cereal aisle: Where’s the one that makes you poop?
Fry’s
Tucson, Arizona
New homeowner: Did you ever find out what was causing that smell?
Worker: Yep.
New homeowner: What was it?
Worker: I’m not gonna tell ya.
New homeowner: Come on, what was it?
Worker, with a serious face and tone: You’ve got about four and a half to five opossums underneath your house.
Huntington, West Virginia
Overheard by: Jess
Teen girl: Sam is so sexy. There’s like, no poopy on him.
Palm City, Florida
Overheard by: I don’t know about you
Freshman girl: Never snort salt.
Other freshman girl: I know, right! It burns so bad!
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Shelby
Girl #1: Nobody ever sits on it and I don’t blame them.
Girl #2: You call it the sex couch, that’s why.
Girl #1: I Febreze it!
Girl #2: And then you say that!
Brighton, Massachusetts
Nerdy guy: Apparently it somehow involves running, but I’ve never ran before so I don’t know how.
UCLA Ackerman Terminal
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Juanito
Dude #1: Man, I got so drunk on Saturday.
Dude #2: Did you pee your pants again?
Dude #1: No. [Dude #2 stares at him.] … Yes.
Dude #2: What’s wrong with you?
Dude #1: I don’t know.
Lake View Terrace, California
Guy #1: John* really needs to get laid. He hasn’t hooked up for months.
Guy #2: Dude, didn’t you hear what happened to him?
Guy #1: No.
Guy #2: The last girl he brought home shat in his bed. He’s been kind of gun-shy since then.
Charlottesville, Virginia
