(women's restroom, a man in a Santa suit enters)
Drunk woman: Hey, you're not a boy!
Restroom attendant: You mean he's not a girl.
Drunk woman: Yeah, you're not a girl!
Drunk Santa: Ho ho ho, ladies! I just wanted to see what you wanted for Christmas!
Drunk woman: Huh?
Restroom attendant: I want money, haha!
Drunk Santa: Then cross your labia, ladies, and merry Christmas!
(he leaves)
Drunk woman: Wait, what?
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Elizabeth
Woman #1: He's 41 and a millionaire, what's wrong with him?
Woman #2: He lives with his mother.
Geelong
Australia
Overheard by: laughing
New Yorker, on cell to fiancée: Honey, all set here for our wedding, when you coming over? I got both of our rings, in nine-carat gold! (appalled silence in carriage) Yeah, your finger's gonna go green and fall off or something? What the hell's wrong with nine-carat gold? Hey! Of course I love you more than I love my mom! Come on! What is this about?
Train
Dublin
Ireland
Dude: I want to give you a baby.
Chick: I don’t want a baby, I just want rent.
Bayswater
Australia
Girl #1: Yuck! You dated him? Why?
Girl #2: Well, I thought he was cute, but it turns out he was really just rich.
Manuel Antonio
Costa Rica
Girl: So, my roommate’s mom still lets her use her credit card, which is crazy! I mean, we’re like 24, and I’ve had my own credit card since forever… But anyways, I guess my roommate had a huge bill last month, and her mom got all upset and called her and said, ‘Maybe you should soak the credit cards and put them in the freezer, so when you get the impulse to use them they’ll be frozen.’ So now we have, like, three credit cards in a tub in our freezer.
Brown Line El
Chicago, Illinois
Bimbo #1, buying coffee: Do you ever, like, look at your change and think, “Wow: $16.64. Something totally happened that year!”
Bimbo #2: Oh yeah, I totally agree. Like, if I bought something for like two dollars with a $20 and my change was $19.78, I like might know someone who was born that year!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: BaptistaBarista
50-something woman: Fine by me! How much cocaine can you even buy for $180 bucks? Probably only, like, a gram. (long pause) Ya know, that's the problem with drugs these days. They are so expensive.
http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/362458562/oh-and-they-kill.html
Overheard by: her niece
Girl in bathroom stall #1: I have really exciting news!
Girl in bathroom stall #2: You just saved a bunch of money on your car insurance?
Girl in bathroom stall #1: No. When I bought these pants they fit, and now they are too big! I've been trying to lose some weight.
Girl in bathroom stall #2: That's great! What size are they?
Girl in bathroom stall #1: Ummm… 25s.
Girl in bathroom stall #2: That's like a size zero. Why are you trying to lose weight?
Girl in bathroom stall #1: Oh, is that too small or something?
Restaurant Bathroom
Boston, Massachusetts
(the road is closed for Chinese New Year parade)
Bus driver: Folks, we’ll be alright. We’re going to take a right on Sansome, a left on Broadway, and a left on Stockton. We’ll rejoin the original route at Stockton and Sacramento. Don’t worry. Everything will be alright. As long as I still get paid, it’s okay.
San Francisco, California
