Pilot over loudspeaker (riffing on harmonica): This is your captain speaking, (harmonica riff) Welcome aboard, (harmonica riff) Please fasten your seat belts. (harmonica riff) Or we won't be able to leave beautiful Atlanta, Georgia.
(does long, jazzy harmonica riff. Passengers applaud)
Pilot (in Elvis voice): Thank you very much.
American Airlines Flight
Atlanta, Georgia
Girl on cell: Wait! (pause) So, it's a gang for crippled people?
Orlando, Florida
Long-nosed cute blond girl: So you're basically offering to fuck me in the arse?
Drunk guy: Not in the arse per se, but I can't guarantee that I won't get the wrong hole and just go for it.
Long-nosed cute blond girl: You do know we just met five minutes ago?
Drunk guy: What can I say? I work fast.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Ghetto lady to two young boys: Stop lookin at my pussy!
20 Bus
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: nightfallcub
College girl, handing heavy basket to boyfriend: I’m all for feminism, but I don’t like carrying heavy things.
Target
Towson, Maryland
Overheard by: Kay-ren
Four-year-old boy: Mom, can we get a puppy?
Mom: You don't need a puppy, you have a little brother.
Four-year-old boy: Yay!
Carlsbad, California
Overheard by: californiabeaner
Drunk student: I want nothing more in life than to be able to turn into a shoehorn.
Vancouver
Canadia
Disembodied male voice from next door: And I was like, “hey, do you wanna see my circumcision scar?”
Sitka, Alaska
Overheard by: Hailey
Sexy blonde: So I was on cross-dresser's wife yesterday.
Okay-looking blonde: What? Where?
Sexy blonde: Cross-dressers wife. Anyway, I was looking for hot cross-dressers to…you know,to…
Okay-looking blonde: I'm not sure I wanna hear the rest, but now I'm morbidly curious. And?
Sexy blonde: I couldn't find any cross-dressers! It was, like, nothing but girls talking about cross-dressing and cross-dressers!
Okay-looking blonde: So? What's wrong with that?
Sexy blonde: A girl's got needs. I can't just get started without cross-dressers. I should sue.
Kansas City, Kansas
Shaven-headed guy #1, while pissing: So she says to me, “can you take out the rubbish?” I said no. Then she asked me, “can you change the cat litter?” I said no. Then she asked me, “can you fix the back door..?”
Shaven-headed guy #2, while pissing: And you said no?
Shaven-headed guy #1: Yeah. Anyway, so for Valentine's Day she gets me a ping pong table. I didn't get her anything. And now I won't let her use the ping pong table.
Shaven-headed guy #2: You're the fucking man, mate!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
