Sensory experiences

Kermit: It's Not Easy Oozing Green

Bartender #1: Yeah, so I had this weird shit comin' outta my dick. It was sick, dude. Like this funky green pus-like shit oozing from the tip. Smelled like shit, too.
Bartender #2: Dude, you need to quit boning so many filthy whores. You're like rotting from the inside.
Bartender #1: Shit, man, I don't give a fuck. As long as I keep gettin' laid.
Bartender #2: You ain't gonna be doin' shit if your fuckin' nasty dick falls off.
Bartender #1: I know, right? This last chick I nailed was a total slut. I pulled down my pants and she could smell whatever's up with my cock. She goes “Ew, what stinks? Is that your dick?” And I go, “No, it's my feet, I swear!” Then I just pulled her towards me and shoved it in. It was awesome.
Bartender #2: Fuck, man. Something's definitely wrong with you.

Gaithersburg, Maryland

Overheard by: Nasty Nate

The Highly-Prized Utah Grunting Salad

Woman: My salad just made a guinea pig noise.

Salt Lake City, Utah

Your Plot Summary Of The Grapes Of Wrath Leaves Something to Be Desired

Stoner guy: So he turned around and there were aliens in the back seat. Then he said, “Yay! Now we can have a hoe down!”

Western Kentucky University

She’s Decomposing Nicely in the Tool Shed

Creepster in poncho: I like your hair.
Hot chick: Oh, thanks.
Creepster in poncho: It smells like my grandma.

Bus stop
Gainesville, Florida

Creatures Often Crawl Out Of the Lake to Matriculate

Girl #1: Jane*'s nice.
Girl #2: Yeah. But she smells like a dirty used tampon.
Girl #1: Yeah, makes me sick a bit.

University of Toronto
Canadia

He Likes to Go to Parties and Get Fried

Bus driver: So who else is gonna be there?
Passenger: Chicken boy will be there.
Bus driver: “Chicken boy”?
Passenger: Yeah, you know Dave*. That fool always smells like chicken! I always thought it was just me but at a party last week Elizabeth* and her friends all called him “chicken boy” too!

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Dawn

Gin and Sour Defeat, in Particular

Hungover guy #1: Dude, you smell like alcohol!
Hungover guy #2: Bro, I feel like alcohol.

Elmore, Alabama

When Their Tongues Touched, They Produced Amy Winehouse.

Girl, after kissing boy: You taste like smoke.
Boy: You taste like testicles.

Las Vegas, Navada

Overheard by: ScaredTourist

Ah, the Great American Pastime

Young man: Female curling is awesome to watch with your eyes closed.

Hoover, Alabama

Overheard by: tony jones

Now Hold Still While I Affix This Muzzle

Little boy being pushed in cart: You smell!
Dad: No, you smell!
Little boy: No, you smell!
Dad: You smell!
(a little later)
Little boy: That was awful!
Dad: Only because you think it is.
Little boy: You're a sock!
Dad: Oh, I'm a sock now?
Little boy: A soooock!
Dad: No, you're a sock!

Whole Foods
Hollywood, California

Overheard by: Kafrin

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