Shopping

Welcome to the Twilight Zone

30-something guy to seven-year-old kid: So even when you get older you will be spending a lot of time in stores waiting for women to shop… It's boring for us, but looking around and not buying anything is somehow fun for them.
Seven-year-old kid: Oh. You aren't American. Where you from?
30-something guy: I'm from Ireland.
Seven-year-old kid: Ireland? What do they speak there?
30-something guy: English.
Seven-year-old kid: You speak English?
30-something guy: Well, we're speaking English now.
Seven-year-old kid, incredulously: We are?

Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Jack

Clustered Around the Mayonnaise and Wonder Bread

Aunt: Jared*, put the toy back. We are going to go over to K-Mart, because they have a better selection.
Four-year-old: I don't want to go to K-Mart, auntie! There's too many white people over there!

Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: His (embarassed) Mother

I Thought That Was Only Possible in Thailand?

Professor: Here, let me make you some flesh. You know, you can buy flesh in the school store!

Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Painting with Mr. Lector

What Will Thailand Think Of Next?

Dude on phone: You have a post-coital gift shop?!

College Campus
Denver, Colorado

One Word About V-Neck Tees and I Will Slit Your Throat

Girl #1: Hey, let's go to The Gap, they have short pants there.
Girl #2, pissed off: Shut the fuck up! I hate you.

Mall
Northern New Jersey

The Hot Salesgirl

Whiny man: I don't even know how to read. Why are we here?

Borders
California

Like, One Containing a Central Venous Line

Middle-aged rich bitch on cell: I'll pay up to $300 for a hat I can't live without, you know?

Washington, DC

Sometimes I Like to Playfully Snap My Own Strap!

Girl browsing underwear section: I love this bra–you'd wear it just to play with yourself, you know?

Wiltshire
England

Overheard by: J

Martha Stewart: “It's a Good Thing.”

Dominatrix: The best s&m tool of all time is the Williams Sonoma Spoontula.

Good Vibrations
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Ladle

Next Step: Getting Rid Of This Mullet

Woman #1, watching hobo in a dress: You know, I finally feel like I'm a metropolitan woman.
Woman #2: Why? Gotten used to the traffic, crowds, pollution and public transportation?
Woman #1: Well, yeah, but that's not why. See that guy in that dress over there? When I first came to the city, I would have been amused or shocked to see something like that. Now, my first reaction is: “Those shoes and socks don't go with that dress–and Macy's isn't that far away. Dude, go get some pumps!” I mean, how often do you think I would have thought to say “dude, go get some pumps” when I was still living in Ohio? I'm living the dream!

Financial District
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: And the jacket didn't match either

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