Threats

‘I Believe You Have My Stapler,’ He’ll Say

National Science Foundation lady #1: He said my behavior was willful professional misconduct.
National Science Foundation lady #2: And then what?
National Science Foundation lady #1: I told him to suck my fat black dick.
National Science Foundation lady #2: Creative. What’d he say to that?
National Science Foundation lady #1: He was real calm. He said, A) my comment was vulgar, rude, and highly unprofessional, and B) completely illogical.
National Science Foundation lady #2: Well, he’s got a point, yeah.
National Science Foundation lady #1: If he says another word to me, I’m gonna bust him with a stapler…

Food court, Ballston Mall
http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2007/03/excuse-me-i-believe-you-have-my-stapler.html

Posted on January 8, 2018
Coworkers, Malls, Threats

A Valid Alternate Plan.

Mother: What time do you need to get up tomorrow?
Teen daughter: 8.30.
Mother: Well, I'm going to be leaving a little before that.
Teen daughter, offhandedly: “Wake me up/before you go-go.”
Mother: I will kill you.

Aurora, Colorado

Posted on January 1, 2018
Colorado, Default, Girls, Moms, Murder, Music, Offers and requests, Questions, Teens, Threats, Time Management

How About a Koosh Hug?

Teen (brandishing Nerf gun): I'm gonna get you! Here I come! I'm gonna shoot you right in the mouth!
Small boy: Noooo! No more Nerf kisses!

Simi Valley, California

Overheard by: the mster

Posted on December 1, 2017
California, Default, Fears, Kids, Teens, Threats, Toys

But at Least I'm Passing His Biology Class This Time

Preppy girl on cell: Yeah. He just got out of jail and he's hitting on me again.

Salem Community High School
Salem, Illinois

Overheard by: LiLlistna

Posted on November 14, 2017
Crimes, Girls, Illinois, On the phone, Preppies, Relationships, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Threats

Stupid Christian University

Girl, in random outburst: I am never going to sleep with you!

Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas

Posted on August 24, 2016
Character, Girls, Sex, Texas, Threats

And Demand Unlimited Loaves and Fishes in Recompense

Random smoker at party: If Jesus cockblocks me one more time, I am going to find where he lives!

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Claire

Posted on August 5, 2016
Default, Jesus, Sexuality, Smokers, Threats, Washington

And My Analyst Will Hold You While I Do So

Man on cell: I've never shown hostility towards women, but if you ever call that transvestite my mother, I will beat you senseless.

Savannah, Georgia

Posted on July 8, 2016
Family ties, Gender issues, Georgia, Guys, On the phone, Parenting, Threats, Violence

And Then I’ll Conjugate Your Ass

Teacher: I’ll hit you with my Latin stick!

Virginia

Overheard by: Doesn’t want to know

Posted on February 19, 2016
Teachers, Threats, Virginia

Is That What Jesus Would Do?

Catholic school girl #1: (sings “Total Eclipse of the Heart”)
Catholic school girl #2: Stop it. I swear to god, I will shank you.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Overheard by: Adelaie

Posted on February 15, 2016
Default, Girls, God, Louisiana, Music, Offers and requests, Students, Threats

Big Fish in a Little Pond

Scrawny Jewish boy: I went to Hebrew school for seven years. I can kick anyone’s ass.

http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com/2007/04/thursday-update-extravaganza.html

Overheard by: smap

Posted on January 18, 2016
Jews, Overheard at Cornell, Threats