And Swing by the Great Wall on the Way?

Traveler with heavy European accent: So, can we drive to the Grand Canyon one day? We'd really like to see it while in America.

Dulles Airport
Washington, DC

Posted on August 8, 2015
Airports & flights, Foreigners, Holidays, Offers and requests, Stupidity, Washington, DC

But We Honor Him Every Time I Buy You a Lap Dance for Your Birthday

Mom tourist: We're going to go see the Washington Monument, do you know who it's named for?
Son tourist: Yes, our first President, George Washington
Mom tourist: That's right. (pause) He's dead now.

Washington, DC

Posted on August 2, 2015
Death & dying, Family, History, Moms, Names, Questions, Stupidity, Tourists, Washington, DC

As Her Husband, I’m Gonna Have to Say No

Suit on cell: I just want to take her to North Carolina and pound the shit out of her. Is that okay?

18th Street and Belmont Road
Washington, DC

Overheard by: glad im not in NC

Posted on August 2, 2015
Gossip, Sex, Suits, Washington, DC

As Evidenced by the Last Election

Metro cop addressing large crowd waiting for the orange line: Keep moving down the platform. Move down, please!
Tired tourist mom: Move down, honey.
Little girl: Why?
Tired tourist mom: Because we're sheep, that's why.

Smithsonian Station, DC Metro
Washington, DC

Posted on July 31, 2015
Animals, Cops, Default, Family ties, Girls, Kids, Moms, Public transportation, Questions, Tourists, Washington, DC

Well I Can't Help It If Yours Is a Bigger Target

Guy going up escalator to friend: Did you see that? That guy just tried to touch my butt.
Friend: Don't complain, he succeeded in touching mine!

Washington, DC

Posted on July 28, 2015
Ass, Friends, Guys, Sensory experiences, Washington, DC, Weirdness

Why Does Everyone Keep Telling Me That?

Guy with soul patch: Don't German people always drive at 200 miles an hour all the time?
Girl in front row, sarcastically: I think you mean 200 kilometers per hour.
Guy with soul patch: It doesn't matter, they're the same thing!
Professor, calmly: If I go crazy and start a killing spree, you'll be the first one I get.

George Washington University
Washington, DC

Posted on July 25, 2015
Colleges & Universities, Death & dying, Education, Stupidity, Teachers, Washington, DC, Words

If He Does Get Convicted, I Expect at Least a Bus Pass

Woman on cell: I know! I’m going to testify in court tomorrow for him so he doesn’t go to jail for ten years. The least he can do is give me ride home!

Red line metro
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Mary

Posted on July 25, 2015
Crimes, Default, Gripes, On the phone, Washington, DC, Women

We're Going to Congress!

Student to friend: Just put the rape stick in the alcohol bag.

American University
Washington, DC

Posted on July 22, 2015
Colleges & Universities, Drinking & drunks, Friends, Students, Violence, Washington, DC, Weirdness

Well You Do Have a Cozy-Looking Mustache…

Texan hottie: Holy hell, its freezing. My lips are numb.
Nerdy guy: Want me to warm them up with mine?
Texan hottie: Ha, you wish.
Nerdy guy: Well… yeah, kinda.
Texan hottie: Oh.

Washington, DC

Posted on July 18, 2015
Chicks, Default, Dorks, Geeks & Nerds, Mouth, Washington, DC, Weather, Wishes

Men Want You to Want Them, It's That Simple

Girl: So, you're like, a guy, right?
Guy: Um, yeah.
Girl: What would you want for Valentine's Day?
Guy: Sex.
Girl: Oh. I mean as a present.
Guy: Yeah. Still sex.

Georgetown, Washington DC

Posted on July 11, 2015
Gifts, Girls, Guys, Questions, Sex, Washington, DC