Metro cop addressing large crowd waiting for the orange line: Keep moving down the platform. Move down, please!
Tired tourist mom: Move down, honey.
Little girl: Why?
Tired tourist mom: Because we're sheep, that's why.
Smithsonian Station, DC Metro
Washington, DC
Guy going up escalator to friend: Did you see that? That guy just tried to touch my butt.
Friend: Don't complain, he succeeded in touching mine!
Washington, DC
Guy with soul patch: Don't German people always drive at 200 miles an hour all the time?
Girl in front row, sarcastically: I think you mean 200 kilometers per hour.
Guy with soul patch: It doesn't matter, they're the same thing!
Professor, calmly: If I go crazy and start a killing spree, you'll be the first one I get.
George Washington University
Washington, DC
Woman on cell: I know! I’m going to testify in court tomorrow for him so he doesn’t go to jail for ten years. The least he can do is give me ride home!
Red line metro
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Mary
Student to friend: Just put the rape stick in the alcohol bag.
American University
Washington, DC
Texan hottie: Holy hell, its freezing. My lips are numb.
Nerdy guy: Want me to warm them up with mine?
Texan hottie: Ha, you wish.
Nerdy guy: Well… yeah, kinda.
Texan hottie: Oh.
Washington, DC
Girl: So, you're like, a guy, right?
Guy: Um, yeah.
Girl: What would you want for Valentine's Day?
Guy: Sex.
Girl: Oh. I mean as a present.
Guy: Yeah. Still sex.
Georgetown, Washington DC
Preppy girl #1: Yeah, so he’s going to be in Iraq until early December, and then he gets to be here until early January, and then he starts his second tour.
Preppy girl #2: That’s awesome.
Preppy girl #1: Yeah, except that he’s dating my best friend.
Judiciary Square Metro Station
Washington, DC
Overheard by: V
Nerdy-looking teenage boy: No way, going to the school dance with a partner seriously decreases my chances of getting laid.
Outside School
Washington, DC
Conductor over PA after train starts and stops a few times: There are six different kinds of metro cars, all manufactured in different places and different times. This particular train is comprised of three of those kinds. The transit authority says they all work fine together. I’ll let you decide that for yourselves…
Blue Line
Washington, DC
