Drunk college dude, explaining how he got kicked out of a club: They looked at my ID, then they looked at my face. My face was not as sober as my ID.
Metro, Orange Line
Washington, DC
Overheard by: funniest Metro ride ever
Drunk college dude, explaining how he got kicked out of a club: They looked at my ID, then they looked at my face. My face was not as sober as my ID.
Metro, Orange Line
Washington, DC
Overheard by: funniest Metro ride ever
Confused tourist lady, looking at anime convention kids in costume: Excuse me? Do you know what all of this is about?
Local: Yeah, the whack-job convention is in town.
Confused tourist lady: The…the…”whack-job” convention? (looks at costumes) Whack-jobs?
Local: (smacks forehead and turns away)
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Sarah Boyd
Teen girl eating Fantasy Bar brownie: You want some of my Fantasy Bar?
Male friend, suddenly paying attention: What? Heck yes, it's about time!
Union Station
Washington, DC
Businessman on cell: I could barely see over her head, dude! It was like reading Klingon for the first time.
Independence Avenue
Washington, DC
Bartender to limping girl entering bar: Are you limping? Oh my god! What happened?
Limping girl: Damn, you weren't here last night, I was hoping you'd tell me!
Washington, DC
Little boy: Mommy, if a turtle has no shell is it naked or homeless?
Mother: It would be dead, sweetheart.
Little boy: That's sad, mommy.
Mother: No, it isn't, dear. Come on, this is our stop.
Metro
Washington, DC
Old woman to young stranger: Is that your mother?
Young woman: No, bitch. That's my bitch.
Old woman to friend: Kids have way too many bitches these days.
Union Station
Washington, DC
Father to son in stroller: Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall; Humpty Dumpty had a great fall; Humpty Dumpty hired a great lawyer; Humpty Dumpty sued the pants of the wall maker.
K Street
Washington, DC
Young female hill staffer #1: Right there in the friggin' book stacks…
Young female hill staffer #2: You were friggin' in the book stacks?
Young female hill staffer #1: Damn girl, I was watching, not doing.
Young female hill staffer #2: Wasted opportunity, if you ask me. I'd have joined in, or embarrassed the hell out of them till they let me in.
Capitol Hill South Metro Station
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Yoda
Nanny to five-year-old: Look, Stephen, there's a kitty!
Stephen, petting cat: Since boys have short hair and girls have long hair, then this kitty is a boy.
Nanny: Maybe not. Boys can have long hair and girls can have short hair too.
Stephen: Then how do you tell if it's a girl or a boy?
Nanny: How 'bout some ice cream?
Washington, DC
