Middle-aged rich bitch on cell: I'll pay up to $300 for a hat I can't live without, you know?
Washington, DC
Middle-aged rich bitch on cell: I'll pay up to $300 for a hat I can't live without, you know?
Washington, DC
Cute boyfriend to girlfriend: I am so glad you eat!
Washington, DC
Drunk college dude, explaining how he got kicked out of a club: They looked at my ID, then they looked at my face. My face was not as sober as my ID.
Metro, Orange Line
Washington, DC
Overheard by: funniest Metro ride ever
Confused tourist lady, looking at anime convention kids in costume: Excuse me? Do you know what all of this is about?
Local: Yeah, the whack-job convention is in town.
Confused tourist lady: The…the…”whack-job” convention? (looks at costumes) Whack-jobs?
Local: (smacks forehead and turns away)
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Sarah Boyd
Teen girl eating Fantasy Bar brownie: You want some of my Fantasy Bar?
Male friend, suddenly paying attention: What? Heck yes, it's about time!
Union Station
Washington, DC
Businessman on cell: I could barely see over her head, dude! It was like reading Klingon for the first time.
Independence Avenue
Washington, DC
Bartender to limping girl entering bar: Are you limping? Oh my god! What happened?
Limping girl: Damn, you weren't here last night, I was hoping you'd tell me!
Washington, DC
Little boy: Mommy, if a turtle has no shell is it naked or homeless?
Mother: It would be dead, sweetheart.
Little boy: That's sad, mommy.
Mother: No, it isn't, dear. Come on, this is our stop.
Metro
Washington, DC
Old woman to young stranger: Is that your mother?
Young woman: No, bitch. That's my bitch.
Old woman to friend: Kids have way too many bitches these days.
Union Station
Washington, DC
Father to son in stroller: Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall; Humpty Dumpty had a great fall; Humpty Dumpty hired a great lawyer; Humpty Dumpty sued the pants of the wall maker.
K Street
Washington, DC
