Preppy guy #1: “Pangaea,” like the continent?
Preppy guy #2: Yeah, my sister just had a face lift.
Wal-Mart
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Rev Loon
Middle aged, balding psych professor disproving “empty nest” theory: Now, when you leave the house your parents are free to run around the house naked, and fuck on the kitchen table! (pauses) Your parents like to have sex!
Psychology Class, Youngstown State University
Ohio
Overheard by: Carmen
Marriage and family therapy professor: If you're living, shit's happening.
Chestnut Hill College
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
High girl #1: I mean, they can't arrest me for walking around in a gorilla suit, can they?
High girl #2: No, dude, I don't think so.
Georgia College & State University
Older man to wife, moving luggage into hotel room: Really, honey? You want to complain about that? You actually want to go to the front desk and tell them that your room is too nice?
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: I'm not complainin'
Frat boy on cell: I am going to get so wasted! I'm going to get wasted on water. I will drink so much water that I'll be like, “Ahhh, I'm drowning in water!” I will be that fucking drunk, bro. With water!
Michigan State University
Guy #1: You want to come hang out at my grandparents' with me?
Guy #2: That's alright. I don't like hanging out with grandparents. They're always dying and shit.
Gastown
Vancouver
Canadia
Girl: My mom is never going to let me go on a field trip again.
Boy #1: Why?
Girl: I left my jacket at the museum.
Boy #2: Wanna know what I left at the museum? My dignity. My dignity and my pride.
BART
San Francisco, California
Stewardess at gate: If everyone can have their boarding passes out and ready for me then I can make this go a lot quicker…and if you don't ask me any stupid questions that would help too, thank you! (smiles and starts scanning passes)
Flight from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
