Yes, I Found Out What I’m Doing Now Is Illegal

Woman on phone, sobbing and screaming: We have two beautiful children, and you want to stick your dick in someone else?

Disneyland
Anaheim, California

Posted on April 5, 2022
California, Infidelity, North America, Relationships, Sex, Tourist attractions, USA

Hello? I'm Eating a Cucumber Sandwich With No Crusts!

Guy #1: What are those, zucchini?
Guy #2, with sandwich: No, they're cucumbers.
Girl: Oh please, they're like the same thing.
Guy #2: No, they're totally different. Not every phallic-shaped green vegetable is the same thing.
Girl (pauses): Why does everything have to be about penises with you?

San Diego, California

Overheard by: i just came here to clean the air ducts

Posted on March 8, 2022
California, Compare and contrast, Default, Fruit, Girls, Guys, Penis, Questions

It Concerns Me When You Talk About Yourself in the Third Person, Mrs. Smith

Old teacher, about middle school student: Johnny’s fine until he has an audience. Then he gets all gang-bangy and tries to screw Mrs. Smith.
Young teacher: Please don’t ever say that again.

Restaurant
Redlands, California

Posted on March 3, 2022
Assholes, California, Compare and contrast, Education, Etiquette, Gossip, Grumpies, Guys, Restaurants, Sexuality, Teachers

Tonight, on Bizarre Rationalization Theatre…

Creepy guy with shriveled arm: Nah, I haven't used in a couple months. But if I wanted to start again, I got a savings account now.

5 Bus
San Diego, California

Overheard by: mhd

Posted on February 20, 2022
Bus, California, Compare and contrast, Creepsters, Death & dying, Default, Guys, Weirdness

I’m Still Conducting Field Research

Asian dude: I don’t know. Something about the alcohol there gets me drunk.
Friends: Yeah!

California State University Dominguez Hills
Carson, California

Overheard by: Danial

Posted on February 12, 2022
California, Friends, Stupidity

A Spot-On Description of Ann Coulter

Girl: She’s like a horny guy, only not horny and not a guy.

Cupertino High School
Cupertino, California

Posted on February 6, 2022
California, Chicks, Gossip, Stupidity

Then There Are the Brave Few Who Would Join Me on This Pole

Professor: Say that you were to walk into class, and I was wearing…a red thong.
(students laugh) I'm not done. I also have sequins on my nipples–and my hair is in a red Mohawk. Half of you would turn around and walk out. The other half would think, “Eh, I can always drop the class.”

Santa Rosa Junior College
Santa Rosa, California

Posted on January 29, 2022
California, Class, Clothes, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Default, Hair, Names, Nipples, Teachers

She Won’t Accept the Solution I Worked Out

Nerdy Asian guy: My friend is having a problem…
Drunk Asian guy: Can you solve it with your penis?

UCLA
California

Overheard by: Amused

Posted on January 26, 2022
Advice, Asians, California, Penis

When the Elderly Are Exposed to Adam Corolla

Old lady to grown daughter: Well you know what your brother's problem is? He's pussy-whipped!

San Jose, California

Posted on January 20, 2022
California, Default, Family ties, Old folks, Questions, Vagina, Women

The One with Big, Glossy Pictures Instead of Words

Man to store employee: It's one of those real estate investment books, the yellow ones.
Employee: Let's see, follow me… Is this what you were looking for?
Man: No, no, that's the one for idiots, I want the one for dummies.

Barnes & Noble
San Diego, California

Overheard by: Lisa

Posted on January 13, 2022
California, Compare and contrast, Customers, Default, Employees, Offers and requests, Stores, Words