Queer: You're a virgin!?
Girl: Yeah.
Queer: How do you sleep at night?
Girl: I really don't, I stay up all night dreaming about sex and pleasuring myself.
Queer: I want to be a virgin too!
San Diego, California
Queer: You're a virgin!?
Girl: Yeah.
Queer: How do you sleep at night?
Girl: I really don't, I stay up all night dreaming about sex and pleasuring myself.
Queer: I want to be a virgin too!
San Diego, California
Husband: What's the greatest story ever told, then?
Wife: Hansel and Gretel!
Los Angeles, California
Girl #1: Oh my god, it's him! (waves enthusiastically to an approaching car) Isn't he amazing?
Girl #2: He almost ran you over.
Girl #1: It doesn't matter, as long as he's on top of me!
Silicon Valley, California
Five-year-old in cafeteria during kindergarten lunchtime: Mr. Greg, my mom didn't put juice in my lunch. Can I get a drink from the cafeteria?
Mr. Greg: Sure, I'll get you something. You want milk?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Regular white milk or chocolate?
Five-year-old: Chocolate.
Mr. Greg: Okay. You're not allergic to chocolate, are you?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: You are? Oh, then I'll get you white milk. Are you allergic to white milk?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Oh, then I'd better see if they have juice.
(Mr. Greg goes into the kitchen and comes back with orange juice)
Mr. Greg: Here's some orange juice. You're not allergic to orange juice, are you?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Do you know what “allergic” means?
Five-year-old: No.
Elementary School
Los Angeles, California
Dude, watching Unbreakable: Look, Samuel L. Jackson has slave hair here.
Chick: No, that’s not slave hair. It’s too coiffed. It’s, like, uppity hair.
Dude: No, look at it from the front. Totally slave hair.
Chick: No! That’s more like just-got-set-free hair.
Dude: Okay, fine. Reconstruction hair, then.
Chick: Exactly.
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: MeganMama
30-ish blonde #1: So, what do you think of my date?
30-ish blonde #2: He seems nice… Plus, he’s a plastic surgeon!
30-ish blonde #1: Hmmm… I don’t really like him. Plus, he only does same day procedures. I’m only dating him for the free Botox.
30-ish blonde #2: I totally understand. I would only date him for free Botox, too.
Ladies’ room, The Wilshire
Santa Monica, California
Intellectual: No, they believe that a guy flew a 747 through space, dumped a bunch of frozen souls in a volcano, and they escaped and are possessing mankind.
Chino High School
Chino, California
Female airport screener to male coworker: I swear I’ve only ever touched one in a bag!
Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Evil Penguin
Conductor: This is not the airport station. You will know it when you see it. I will make a big deal about it when we get there.
BART Station
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Glad my iPod was off
Student: I think the result of this case means that people are worried that government officials can be held just as accountable as normal citizens.
Law School
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: MaggieB
