Instead of Prison, Convicts Should Be Sentenced to Host Slumber Parties

Group of little girls to window poster: Hannah Montana! Hannah Montana! Hannah Montana!
Exasperated father: Don’t kiss that!

Mall
San Diego, California

Posted on August 6, 2015
California, Dads, Default, Family, Girls, Kids, Malls, Offers and requests, Should have used a condom, Siblings, TV shows

Have the Last Name “Spears”

Four-year-old kid, pickig up magazine: Hey, Dad, it’s Britney Spears!
Dad: No, that’s Jamie Lynn, her sister.
Four-year-old kid: Ohhh, the pregnant one.
Dad: Yep.
Four-year-old kid: But she’s not even an adult!
Dad: You don’t have to be an adult to get pregnant.
Four-year-old kid: So then how do you get pregnant?! [Dad puts magazine back.]

Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: Cortny

Posted on August 3, 2015
About celebrities, Dads, Default, Family ties, Kids, Nebraska, Pregnancy, Questions

Did They All Eat at Red Lobster Before They Died?

Father to 20-something daughter: One of these days we are going to have to take you on a trip and show you where everyone in the family is buried.
Daughter, dryly: That would be a lively trip.

Salt Lake City, Utah

Overheard by: It would be a trip to die for

Posted on July 30, 2015
Dads, Death & dying, Family ties, Girls, Utah, Weirdness, Words

When He Was Little, She'd Carry Him in One of Her Haversacks

Sister: Grandma got him a box of latexes!
Dad: Oh, well, I didn't know you and grandma were so…ahem…close.
Brother: Oh! God! No! Stop! My ears!

Reston, Virginia

Overheard by: Carly

Posted on July 28, 2015
Compare and contrast, Condoms, Dads, Default, Family ties, Siblings, Virginia, Words

Who Isn't Picturing Rod and Todd Flanders Right Now?

Small child #1: Hey, daddy, can we go get some ice cream?!
Small child #2: Yeah, daddy, let's have ice cream!
Father: Uh, no. But you can have yogurt drinks. They're basically the same!
Small children: Yay!

West Edmonton Mall
Canadia

Overheard by: Dr. Ruth

Posted on July 27, 2015
Canadia, Dads, Default, Family ties, Food, Guys, Kids, Malls, Offers and requests

We’ll Get Ours When We Turn on Bill O’Reilly

Father to squirmy two-year-old looking out bus window: No, honey, that’s a church. We can’t go there — they’ll give you a lobotomy.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Rebekah

Posted on July 27, 2015
Dads, Lies, San Francisco

And the Liquid Soap Was to Die for

Redneck man with mullet coming out of bathroom: Well, son, that was some mighty fine hand dryer, wudn't it?
Son,excitedly: Yeah, pops, sure was!

Shepherdsville, Kentucky

Overheard by: Chelsea

Posted on July 26, 2015
Cleanliness, Dads, Family, Kentucky, Parenting, Rednecks, Restroom

Scooby and the Gang Stage an Intervention for Velma

Father: Sweetie, your affection for the dog is causing you to hallucinate.

Empress Pavillion
Chinatown, California

Overheard by: Yapplebee

Posted on July 24, 2015
Animals, California, Dads, Default, Mental illnesses, Restaurants

Especially with This Little Pink Bow

Three-year-old boy to grandfather: Do you have a penis?
Grandfather: Yes, I do.
Boy: I have a penis, too. My penis is small. My penis is cute.

Cincinnati, Ohio

Overheard by: Vejewsbian

Posted on July 11, 2015
Compliments, Dads, Default, Gender issues, Guys, Kids, Ohio, Penis, Pride, Questions

Why Child Psychologists Exist

Father, explaining electrical cables to teenage son: Yeah, she's got a transvestite in her wall. But you can convert the tranny back to a female, using the thing in the wall.

Wellington, New Zealand

Overheard by: Jordyn

Posted on June 30, 2015
Compare and contrast, Dads, Gender issues, New Zealand, Parenting, Science, Sexuality, Teens

Dads