I Told You When God Closes a Door, He Opens a Window

Father: So, any luck with finding a jacket?
Teenage daughter: No, but somebody tried to sell me drugs.
Father: Well, that’s something.

Victoria Market
Melbourne
Australia

Posted on February 7, 2016
Australia, Clothes, Compare and contrast, Dads, Drugs, Girls, Offers and requests, Questions, Shopping, Stores, Teens

That Doesn’t Work on Mom, and It Sure Doesn’t Work on Me!

Five-year-old boy: I don’t like that… It doesn’t taste good.
Father, picking up frozen dinner: Oh, I’ll make it taste good!

Topsham, Maine

Overheard by: Morgan

Posted on January 30, 2016
Bragging, Dads, Kids, Maine

You Shouldn't Marry Anybody Who's the Boss Of You, Honey

Little girl to dad: Daddy?
Dad: Yes?
Little girl: Why can't brothers and sisters get married?

Toronto
Canadia

Posted on January 7, 2016
Canadia, Dads, Default, Family, Family ties, Girls, Guys, Kids, Questions, Relationships

You're a Burkoff, Dad

Little Girl: Look Dad, a buhraff.
Dad: That's “giraffe”–juh, juh, juh.
Little Girl, looking confused: Buhraff! Juh, juh, juh.

Zoo
St. Louis, Missouri

Posted on January 1, 2016
Animals, Dads, Kids, Missouri, Parenting, Words

That's New Yorkese for “Pretty Please”

Eight- year-old girl to parents: Can I pleeeese have a Cinnabon?
Dad: No, you don't need that. Finish your dinner.
Eight- year-old girl: If I don't get a Cinnabon, I'm basically going to kill myself.

Rest Stop
New York Thruway

Overheard by: Karen

Posted on December 17, 2015
Dads, Death & dying, Default, Food, Girls, Kids, New York, Offers and requests, Questions, Threats, Weirdness

Racist? You Decide!

Daughter: It’s like… I didn’t see any Mexicans around for months, and then today, I’ve seen so many!
Father: Well, it got warm.

Cool Springs Mall
Franklin, Tennessee

Overheard by: Haha, what?

Posted on October 7, 2015
Dads, Default, Geography, Girls, Gripes, Tennessee, Weather

It's a Tale As Old As Time…

Father to teen daughter: We've got the rubber suits, but we're out of talcum powder!

Concord, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Emma W.

Posted on September 2, 2015
Cleanliness, Clothes, Dads, Massachusetts, Teens

Warm Syrup Seemed Like a Great Idea–at First

Young mother to four-year-old boy: C'mon, sweetie, let's wash your hands.
Sarcastic father: Yeah, dude, you're disgusting.
Boy (increasingly louder): Yes. I am disgusting. You know what else is disgusting? My penis!

IHOP
Hammond, Louisiana

Overheard by: The Only Small Press in Bumfuck

Posted on August 21, 2015
Dads, Default, Guys, Health & Hygiene, Kids, Louisiana, Moms, Penis, Restaurants, Weirdness

In Our Family, We Get Our Pornography from the Internet

Boy, holding bodice-ripper romance novel: Dad, is this a book for fifth-graders?
Distracted father: No. Put it back.
Boy: What is it?
Distracted father: Hardcore pornography. Put it back.

Fairwood, Washington

Overheard by: he was so hopeful

Posted on August 10, 2015
Books, Dads, Etiquette, Kids, Parenting, Porn, Questions, Washington

As You'd Know If You Ever Watched TV With Me

Two-year-old: Waaaaah!
White trash mom: You want mommy to push your stroller?
Two-year-old: Waaaaah!
White trash dad: You wanna go ten feet under?!
White trash mom: Honey, it's six feet.

Sears
Nashua, New Hampshire

Overheard by: jefe

Posted on August 9, 2015
Compare and contrast, Dads, Death & dying, Default, Kids, Moms, Murder, New Hampshire, Offers and requests, Parenting, Stores, Weirdness

Dads