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Female college student eating grapes: Look, it's a baby grape. And this one is like a grape fetus.
Roommate: What? Are there flavored fetuses?

Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Larissa

Student: So, the only way they won't kick me out of college is if I was diagnosed with a mental problem. Do you think I can pull off bipolar?

University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire

Teen #1: I hate her. She is such a milk!
Teen #2: What? Don’t you mean “milf”?
Teen #1: No, man. She is a mother I would like to kill.
Teen #2: Oh. I think she is a milky milf!
Teen #1: There is something wrong with you.

Columbia, South Carolina

High school student: She’s a two faced bitch, but not in a bad way.

http://overheardlines.blogspot.com/2008/04/high-school-student-at-lowell-high.html

Overheard by: emily

Girl: I heard cum was high in protein, but it’s also high in calories.
Guy: Yes… It is also high in Vitamin D, iron, serotonin. Sadly, a woman’s body can hardly produce an equally useful food supplement.
Girl: … It produces babies!

Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia

Man to son: Stop talking about vampire bats and focus on your poop.

San Diego, California

Girl at mall: Did I tell you about traumatizing the Amish family?

Champaign, Illinois

Overheard by: Frito Bandito

Drunk guy to two girls: No, really! My ultimate fantasy is to have sex with a ridiculously hot girl while you two are on the futon eating cheetos!

Aburn University
Auburn, Alabama

Loud 40-something: The government wants to cut down on unplanned pregnancy and decrease abortions, but a dozen condoms is as much as a 12-pack of beer? Hello, middle America is not choosing condoms over beer!

Burlington, Vermont

Teacher: Your papers are due next Wednesday. They need to be at least two pages, double spaced.
Blonde girl: Wait… do you mean two spaces between each word?

Lincoln High School, Portland, Oregon