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40-something woman on phone: Was that the time when we made cone bras or the time when we shaved our legs with a nail file?

Toronto
Ontario
Canadia

Exasperated woman: I just called to say “I love you” while I had a moment to myself, okay?! Jeez! [Flushes.]

Women’s Bathroom, Bay Park Square Mall
Green Bay, Wisconsin

Middle-aged creepster: She was a slut in middle school, so she’s my type of girl.

Gentle Bens Brewery
Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: a middle school slut

Spaced-out kid: And I think it was some kind of message in that out-of-body experience. Like, it was my soul trying to tell me that after I finished puking, I should take a shower.
Teenage queer: Your dreams are fucked.

St. Andrew’s College
Aurora
Canadia

Little girl: My pizza is naked!

Fresh Grocer
Drexel Hill, Pennsylvania

Girl: Can you tell me where the bathroom is?
Woman: Yeah, it’s at the end of this hallway. Just don’t look in the cage there.

Highland, Utah

Overheard by: A tiny bit worried…!

College girl to friend: He’s a really scary driver. He’ll go fifty on gravel roads. I mean, I go fifty on gravel roads, but only if I’m really, really drunk.

El Rancho
Columbia, Missouri

Overheard by: RW

Boy: So, if you’re afraid of the leprechaun from that one movie, does that mean you’re afraid of the lucky charm leprechaun too?
Girl: No, no, no. I’m only afraid of the *real* ones.

Chapel Hill, North Carolina

Overheard by: Amused

Woman with four kids in front of a bondage window display: See that? That’s what I want to do to your dad, get him all tied up and just whip the shit out of him!

The Crypt
Denver, Colorado

Little kid in stroller: Ouaf! Waf! Ggrrr! Ouaf!
Mom: Oh yeah! Yeah!
Little kid in a stroller: Ouaf! Waf! Ggrrr! Ouaf!
Mom: Yeah! That’s it. Yeaaaah!

St Laurent Boulevard
Montréal
Canadia

Overheard by: Augustime