Special Thanks to the Four Horsemen for Being So Flexible

Professor, going over syllabus: Because of schedule changes, the apocalypse will be postponed.

Seminary classroom
North Carolina

Overheard by: good, that gives me another week

Posted on February 10, 2019
Education, North Carolina, Teachers

Oh, I’m Sure There’s Some Sick Fuck Out There

Professor, trying to explain something entirely unrelated to elephants: I mean, no one wants their elephant to explode!

Planetary Geology class, Mississippi State University
Mississippi

Overheard by: blondie

Posted on January 25, 2019
Education, Mississippi, Teachers

She Doesn’t Even Recognize Our Sincere and Unyielding Love for Children

Pre-school teacher #1: Which kids do you want in your group today?
Pre-school teacher #2: Oh, I don’t really care. Just not Monica*. I cant stand her.
Pre-school teacher #1: Yeah, I know. It’s like it’s her period every friggin’ day!
Pre-school teacher #2: Yeah, she’s such a little frigid bitch!

New York City, New York

Overheard by: first day on the job

Posted on January 8, 2019
Default, Education, Insults, Kids, Names, New York, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Teachers

That, or a Phone.

Teacher: Who knows what the word “cell” means?
4th-grader: Oh, I do, I do! It's a tiny thing like a jelly doughnut! Except instead of jelly, there's blood!

Elementary School
Washington, DC

Posted on December 8, 2018
Compare and contrast, Default, Education, Questions, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Science, Students, Teachers, Washington, DC, Words

Eh, I'm Joining the Marines Next Year, Anyway

Guy #1: We had to read Catcher in the Rye and Uncle Tom's Cabin last year! It was ridiculous!
Guy #2: Aren't they the same story?

Fauquier High
Warrenton, Virginia

Overheard by:

Posted on November 17, 2018
Books, Default, Education, Gripes, Guys, Questions, Stupidity, Virginia

I Had a Roommate Who Bleached the Bathroom Three Times a Week. True Story

Chick on cell phone: My roommate was rolling a lint roller all over her head for like ten minutes and finally I was like: “What the fuck are you doing? You’re gonna pull all your hair out!” … Haha yeah… She threatened to kill me if I asked her anymore questions… She probably watches me sleep.

UB Bus
Buffalo, New York

Posted on October 18, 2018
Advice, Bus, Character, Chicks, Education, Fears, Hair, Murder, New York, On the phone, Sorority types, Threats, Weirdness

Not to Mention Bourbon Sprawl

Teacher: Does anyone know how many people live in Chicago?
Student: I think it's like 7 million.
Teacher, looking at student awkwardly: I'm not quite sure it's that many.
Student: Well, that's not counting all the proverbs…

College
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Julie