That’s the Last Time I’ll Have an Orgy with a Family of Klutzes

Large woman: Your dad kicked me in the head!
Scrawny boyfriend: What?
Large woman: And then you kicked me in the head!

Fredericton, New Brunswick
Canadia

Overheard by: Marg

Posted on January 11, 2022
Canadia, Default, Family ties, Fat people, Gripes, Skinny people, Violence

But Otherwise She's a Fantastic Therapist

Man on phone: Yeah, everything with her is great. Only thing is, she keeps trying to talk my cousin and his wife into a threesome…

London
England

Overheard by: Ren

Posted on January 2, 2022
Compliments, Default, England, Family ties, Guys, On the phone, Sex

…By Lying

Guy #1: I was supposed to interview my grandma for my sociology project, but I didn't. I'm going to have to like, make up her life right now.
Guy #2: Why didn't you interview her?
Guy #1: Well, she lives in Oregon, and you know, the time change…
Guy #2: Dude, there's no time change from here to Oregon.
Guy #1: I know that, shut up! I'm trying to make myself feel better.

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Beatrice

Posted on November 12, 2021
Colleges & Universities, Family ties, Guys, Lies, US Geography, Washington

But I'm Reasonably Sure That's Where Your Dad Is from

Girl: Whoa…There's a band called “Asia”? Mom, is this what I was named after?
Mother: No, honey.

Branson, Missouri

Posted on October 1, 2021
Default, Family ties, Girls, Missouri, Moms, Music, Names, Questions, Women

But If I Did, I'd Advise You to Go with the Heart-Shaped Nipple Clamps

Dad to son, passing Valentine's Day t-shirt display: These are kind of nice for your mom, no?
Son: It's for mom, what do I care?

City Center Mall
White Plains, New York

Overheard by: Nathan

Posted on September 23, 2021
Clothes, Dads, Default, Family ties, Guys, Kids, Malls, New York, Questions

Hook Me Up?

Guy #1: Is your aunt gonna get a divorce?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: Niiiice.

Walton High School
Marietta, Georgia

Overheard by: nezu!

Posted on August 27, 2021
Compliments, Default, Family ties, Georgia, Guys, Relationships, School [Elem., Middle, & High]

And I Do Mean Everything

Boy #1: I'm gonna take out my iPhone and post these pictures on YouTube.
Boy #2: You can't post photos on YouTube.
Boy #1: Fine, I'll post them on Facebook.
Boy #2: You don't have a Facebook.
Boy #1: I'll e-mail them to your mom. She posts everything on Facebook.

Central Islip, New York

Overheard by: Val

Posted on August 10, 2021
Family ties, Guys, Internet, New York, Threats

Who Else Would Pee on My Christmas Tree?

Superior girl: You're just stumped by the Father-Christmas-isn't-a-cat argument.

Norwich
England

Overheard by: Inigo Montoya

Posted on July 30, 2021
Animals, Compare and contrast, Default, England, Family ties, Girls, Holidays

She's Canadian.

Hipster girl: Oh, look, there's a movie theata here too!
Hipster guy: Movie “theata”? Wow, you do have an accent… but your sister, she's really got an accent!
Hipster girl: Actually, she has a speech impediment.

Boston, Massachusetts

Posted on July 30, 2021
Compare and contrast, Family ties, Health & Hygiene, Hipsters, Language barrier, Massachusetts, Words

Do You Mean It, or Are You Just Using Her for Sex?

Girl on cell: I said “I love you” like three years ago. Why? When was the last time you said it?
[pause]Girl on cell, shocked: Ew! To who, you whorebag?!
[pause]Girl on cell, incredulous: You say “I love you” to your mom?

200 Bus
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: likewhoa

Posted on July 21, 2021
Bus, California, Family ties, Girls, Infidelity, On the phone, Questions, Relationships, Words

Family ties