Family ties

Drunk young girl: Whatever. She could have had sex whenever she wanted.
Drunk mother: Well, she's beat you by a few years!
Drunk grandmother: I haven't had sex in such a long time.

The Keg
Vancouver
Canadia

Girl #1: So my mom is getting married to that guy she met on the internet.
Girl #2: Internet? He might be a serial killer!
Girl #1: Yeah, but she lives in Florida, so at least I don't have to hear about it.

Bathrooms
Cinema, Illinois

Daughter in dressing room: Go ahead, feel them!
Mom in dressing room: No!
Daughter: Really, the point is to feel how natural they feel! I'm going to want to feel yours when you get them.

York, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Kendal

Chemistry lab professor: Families work well only if they are close-knit. Unlike those people who went and had eight kids. Who cares about them? I wish someone would just go shoot them.

Edison State College
Fort Myers, Florida

Overheard by: Chikara

Mom to six-year-old daughter: Naiya, you better not be swimming in that toilet, or I will punch you in the neck!

Restaurant Bathroom
Delaware

Overheard by: Laughing Neighbor

Woman #1, at party: Oh, hi, Lisa, how are you?
Woman #2, shrugging: Okay, I guess.
Woman #1: Where's your husband? Did you bring John with you?
Woman #2: Oh, you didn't hear? John died two weeks ago. He died sitting in his chair.

Kentucky

Girl: Stop talking about my sister's holes!

Denmark

Mother to daughter: I think it's time to cut your hair again.
Daughter: No! I don't want it cut! You only cut it a few weeks ago! It's not fair! Why can't I have long hair? (pointing at passenger) She has long hair! (pointing at girl) She has long hair. Everyone has long hair except for me!
Son, smugly: Except for boys. (pause) But daddy has long hair…
Daughter: Even daddy has long hair! She has long hair, she has long hair–everyone has long hair except for me!

Perth
Australia

Overheard by: Emily B.

Girl to boyfriend: Hold on, sweetie, I need to give my sister a call.
Boyfriend: No. I can't stop making out with you.

Cherry Hill, New Jersey

Guy: Are they gay?
Friend: Yes, they're holding hands and wearing the same clothing.
(15 seconds later)
Guy: Are they gay?
Girl: That's a family.

Hillcrest, California