I Knew This “Ellen” Haircut Was a Mistake

Two-year-old: Mommy!
Tired teen girl: I'm not your mommy.
Two-year-old: Daddy?

Preschool
Denver, Colorado

Posted on November 20, 2009
Colorado, Family ties, Kids, Questions, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Teens

Guess Everything Really Is Bigger in Texas

New Yorker, trying to get through a crowd of people blocking aisle: Excuse me. Excuse me! Excuse me!
Confused little boy: I already moved.
New Yorker: Oh, I know you have, dear. I was talking to your fat-ass mother.

Grocery Store
Austin, Texas

Posted on November 18, 2009
Ass, Assholes, Diet & weight, Family ties, Insults, Kids, Moms, Stores, Texas

You Were Conceived Right Here in Aisle Four

Father to three-year-old daughter, after she took her shirt off: Just like your mother.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/310140762/i-want-to-hang-out-with-her-mother.html

Overheard by: is that how you met her?

Posted on November 9, 2009
Clothes, Compare and contrast, Dads, Family ties, Kids, Overheard in Minneapolis, Parenting

You've Got a Name Tag Pinned to Your Sweater

Aunt Sherry: You have to hold my hand or else I might get lost. Then, what will happen?
Sassy preschooler: You'll be alright, aunt Sherry.

Northville, Michigan

Overheard by: older sassy girl

Posted on October 11, 2009
Family, Family ties, Kids, Michigan, Questions, Weirdness

You Never Know Which One Will Be Your Last One

Drunk young girl: Whatever. She could have had sex whenever she wanted.
Drunk mother: Well, she's beat you by a few years!
Drunk grandmother: I haven't had sex in such a long time.

The Keg
Vancouver
Canadia

Posted on October 10, 2009
Canadia, Drunks, Family, Family ties, Moms, Parenting, Sex, Time Management, Wishes

Or Clean Up the Blood Again

Girl #1: So my mom is getting married to that guy she met on the internet.
Girl #2: Internet? He might be a serial killer!
Girl #1: Yeah, but she lives in Florida, so at least I don't have to hear about it.

Bathrooms
Cinema, Illinois

Posted on October 8, 2009
Family ties, Girls, Illinois, Internet, Murder, Parenting, Relationships, Restroom

What's More Natural Than Fondling a Relative's Artificial Breast?

Daughter in dressing room: Go ahead, feel them!
Mom in dressing room: No!
Daughter: Really, the point is to feel how natural they feel! I'm going to want to feel yours when you get them.

York, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Kendal

Posted on October 5, 2009
Family ties, Girls, Health & Hygiene, Moms, Parenting, Pennsylvania, Rack, Wishes

Tonight on John and Kate Plus 9MM

Chemistry lab professor: Families work well only if they are close-knit. Unlike those people who went and had eight kids. Who cares about them? I wish someone would just go shoot them.

Edison State College
Fort Myers, Florida

Overheard by: Chikara

Posted on September 27, 2009
Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Family ties, Florida, Kids, Murder, Teachers, Weirdness, Wishes

These Are the Moments They'll Cherish Forever

Mom to six-year-old daughter: Naiya, you better not be swimming in that toilet, or I will punch you in the neck!

Restaurant Bathroom
Delaware

Overheard by: Laughing Neighbor

Posted on September 24, 2009
Body parts, Delaware, Family ties, Kids, Moms, Parenting, Restaurants, Restroom, Threats, Weirdness

After They Moved Him, I Found Five Dollars Under the Cushion!

Woman #1, at party: Oh, hi, Lisa, how are you?
Woman #2, shrugging: Okay, I guess.
Woman #1: Where's your husband? Did you bring John with you?
Woman #2: Oh, you didn't hear? John died two weeks ago. He died sitting in his chair.

Kentucky

Posted on September 23, 2009
Death & dying, Family ties, Kentucky, Questions, Relationships, Women

Family ties