Middle aged, balding psych professor disproving “empty nest” theory: Now, when you leave the house your parents are free to run around the house naked, and fuck on the kitchen table! (pauses) Your parents like to have sex!
Psychology Class, Youngstown State University
Ohio
Overheard by: Carmen
Soccer mom #1: I heard once that the reason animals don't live as long as humans is because they come into the world knowing how to love, and we have to learn.
Soccer mom #2: That is so true.
Lee County Humane Society
Auburn, Alabama
Overheard by: Gee
Marriage and family therapy professor: If you're living, shit's happening.
Chestnut Hill College
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Guy, carrying basket: It's just hard to know that I did so much for her, I did everything right in our marriage and now she is intentionally trying to hurt me.
Girl, pushing cart: Seriously? You did everything right?
Guy: Yes, I did.
Girl: Um, you slept with me.
Guy: Yeah, but that was a long time ago and I didn't do it to hurt her.
Trader Joe's
Hillcrest, California
Older man to wife, moving luggage into hotel room: Really, honey? You want to complain about that? You actually want to go to the front desk and tell them that your room is too nice?
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: I'm not complainin'
Girl #1: I'm 20-orgasms horny!
Girl #2: I'm 100-orgasms horny!
Girl #3: I'm masturbate-in-my-class horny!
Girl #1: I'm stick-a-banana-in-my-ass horny!
Syracuse University, New York
Overheard by: gelatinous
Little boy: Today is the perfect day for a yellow balloon.
Restaurant
Vancouver
Canadia
Teenage cart boy on cell: I'm at GIANT right now. I just have to go home and take a shit and I'll be fine.
GIANT
Lehighton, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Missy
Asian #1: So do you guys eat a lot of Mongolian beef and shit?
Asian #2: Dude! I'm Korean!
(later)
Asian #2: Do you understand everything in those anime movies?
Asian #1: I'm not Japanese! Now I don't feel so bad.
Emory University
Atlanta, Georgia
