Guy, carrying basket: It's just hard to know that I did so much for her, I did everything right in our marriage and now she is intentionally trying to hurt me.
Girl, pushing cart: Seriously? You did everything right?
Guy: Yes, I did.
Girl: Um, you slept with me.
Guy: Yeah, but that was a long time ago and I didn't do it to hurt her.
Trader Joe's
Hillcrest, California
Older man to wife, moving luggage into hotel room: Really, honey? You want to complain about that? You actually want to go to the front desk and tell them that your room is too nice?
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: I'm not complainin'
Girl #1: I'm 20-orgasms horny!
Girl #2: I'm 100-orgasms horny!
Girl #3: I'm masturbate-in-my-class horny!
Girl #1: I'm stick-a-banana-in-my-ass horny!
Syracuse University, New York
Overheard by: gelatinous
Little boy: Today is the perfect day for a yellow balloon.
Restaurant
Vancouver
Canadia
Teenage cart boy on cell: I'm at GIANT right now. I just have to go home and take a shit and I'll be fine.
GIANT
Lehighton, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Missy
Asian #1: So do you guys eat a lot of Mongolian beef and shit?
Asian #2: Dude! I'm Korean!
(later)
Asian #2: Do you understand everything in those anime movies?
Asian #1: I'm not Japanese! Now I don't feel so bad.
Emory University
Atlanta, Georgia
Girl: My mom is never going to let me go on a field trip again.
Boy #1: Why?
Girl: I left my jacket at the museum.
Boy #2: Wanna know what I left at the museum? My dignity. My dignity and my pride.
BART
San Francisco, California
Chemistry teacher: We've been experimenting with butane for the last three periods and I'm a little high right now.
Hume-Fogg High School
Nashville, Tennessee
Gay man: So, did you end up fucking that guy from eHarmony?
Blondie: Sort of. When I was blowing him he told me to stop and I said, “No way, I'm just getting started!” And then he said, “Seriously, stop, I don't want to blow in your face.”
Gay man: That's like true love. You should use that story for your eHarmony commercial.
Central Illinois
