Obese teenager to mom: I wish I had an ice cream maker built into my steering wheel.
Mother: Stop.
Mobile, Alabama
Obese teenager to mom: I wish I had an ice cream maker built into my steering wheel.
Mother: Stop.
Mobile, Alabama
Teen ordering at Subway: Yeah, I want mustard.
Teen friend: No way. Mustard?
Teen ordering: I like mustard.
Teen friend: Omigod, I'm telling Paul* and he's never gonna talk to you again.
Teen ordering: What? Omigod! No, don't!
Teen friend, pulling out phone and dialing: Too late.
Teen ordering, almost crying: I like Paul*!
Teen friend, answering phone: Hello? Paulie! Natasha* loves mustard. (pause) Oh. Never mind, Paul* likes mustard.
Cashier: Um, are you two drunk?
Teen ordering, wide-eyed: Do you like mustard?
Subway
Alabama
Overheard by: they were drunk.
Guy #1, wiping sweat off forehead: Dude, if we hook up with any o' these broads tonight, there's no way we could go down on them.
Guy #2, slamming rest of his drink: Well, maybe you wouldn't. Personally, I don't mind a little gravy on the roast beef.
Guy #1: Jesus, that's fuckin' sick, man! What the fuck is wrong with you?
Six Degrees Bar
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Big D
Mother to child: Mary*, what was your favorite part of the show?
Child, eating pretzel: This pretzel!
Mother's friend: Of course it is.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Bruce Banner
20-something guy, entering taqueria with friends: There better be a midget in a sombrero offering me salsa as soon as I get in the door, or I'm gonna be pissed.
San Francisco, Calfornia
Overheard by: Alex
Serious guy: There is no… fucking… applesauce!
Dining Hall
UC, Santa Cruz
Overheard by: Willing to bet there's no regular applesauce either
Loud man on cell on bus: You know, I don't really care for turkey. Have it at Thanksgiving and sometimes Christmas, and I am sick of that shit. Now me, I like chicken. That's my thing. I'm a chicken man.
Austin, Texas
Straight guy: Why do gay men love boobs but hate vaginas?
Gay guy: Because boobs are pretty and vaginas look like a roast beef sandwich.
Drunk guy: I could so go for Arby's right now.
Huaraz
Peru
Overheard by: Nick
Girl in stall with open door: I got cheese on my nipples!
Girl outside stall, to passerby: Sorry.
Girl in stall, in husky voice: I got cheese between my balls.
Girl outside stall: I'm so sorry.
Girl in stall: I'm so cheesy, sometimes I melt!
Women's Restroom, Public Library
Eugene, Oregon
