When Life Hands You Apples…

Serious guy: There is no… fucking… applesauce!

Dining Hall
UC, Santa Cruz

Overheard by: Willing to bet there's no regular applesauce either

Posted on July 25, 2010
California, Food, Fruit, Guys, Insults

The Chickenman?

Loud man on cell on bus: You know, I don't really care for turkey. Have it at Thanksgiving and sometimes Christmas, and I am sick of that shit. Now me, I like chicken. That's my thing. I'm a chicken man.

Austin, Texas

Posted on July 24, 2010
Birds, Compare and contrast, Food, Guys, On the phone, Texas

Why I Stopped Hanging Out with Meatheads.

Straight guy: Why do gay men love boobs but hate vaginas?
Gay guy: Because boobs are pretty and vaginas look like a roast beef sandwich.
Drunk guy: I could so go for Arby's right now.

Huaraz
Peru

Overheard by: Nick

Posted on July 23, 2010
Beauty, Compare and contrast, Drunks, Food, Gender issues, Guys, Queers, Rack, South America, Vagina

It Takes a While to Take a Cheez Whiz

Girl in stall with open door: I got cheese on my nipples!
Girl outside stall, to passerby: Sorry.
Girl in stall, in husky voice: I got cheese between my balls.
Girl outside stall: I'm so sorry.
Girl in stall: I'm so cheesy, sometimes I melt!

Women's Restroom, Public Library
Eugene, Oregon

Posted on July 17, 2010
Balls, Food, Girls, Nipples, Oregon, Restroom

…With a Three-Valium Chaser?

Posh-sounding, punk-looking 20-year-old girl on cell: You want to kill yourself? Oh. Have you tried having a having cup of tea?

London
England

Overheard by: Richard

Posted on July 16, 2010
Advice, England, Food, On the phone, Punks, Violence, Wishes

One Unhealthy Appetite at a Time

Dude #1: This street smells like greasy food and whores!
Dude #2: I could go for some greasy food right now.

East Lansing, Michigan

Overheard by: MF

Posted on July 14, 2010
Compare and contrast, Food, Guys, Michigan, Sensory experiences, Sex

Need a Vacation from the Metric System, Canadia?

Deli customer: Could I have a kilo of shaved black forest ham, please?
Confused deli worker: How much?
Deli customer: One kilo.
Confused deli worker: I need to know how much you want.
Deli customer, getting frustrated: One kilo of shaved black forest ham.
Confused deli worker: So, 500 grams?
Deli customer, astonished: A kilo is 1000 grams.
Confused deli worker: Um… How much do you want?
Deli customer, annoyed: One kilo.
Confused deli worker: I don't know how much you want.
Deli customer, more annoyed: One kilo. 1000 grams.
Confused deli worker, after thinking for a minute: So, two 500 gram packages?
Deli customer, astonished: Sure.
Deli customer's partner: Are you serious?

Edmonton
Canadia

Overheard by: Math is hard

Posted on July 12, 2010
Canadia, Customers, Employees, Food, Questions, Stores, Stupidity

America: Encapsulated.

Slightly obese lady on cell: Of course I'm at the gym, honey! I promised to go to the gym today, so I'm at the gym! (hangs up, talks to friend) What an idiot. I want some ice cream.

Ice Cream Shop
Missouri

Overheard by: jeeves