Stay Away from Drugs, Kids!

Teen ordering at Subway: Yeah, I want mustard.
Teen friend: No way. Mustard?
Teen ordering: I like mustard.
Teen friend: Omigod, I'm telling Paul* and he's never gonna talk to you again.
Teen ordering: What? Omigod! No, don't!
Teen friend, pulling out phone and dialing: Too late.
Teen ordering, almost crying: I like Paul*!
Teen friend, answering phone: Hello? Paulie! Natasha* loves mustard. (pause) Oh. Never mind, Paul* likes mustard.
Cashier: Um, are you two drunk?
Teen ordering, wide-eyed: Do you like mustard?

Subway
Alabama

Overheard by: they were drunk.

Posted on August 20, 2010
Alabama, Employees, Food, Restaurants, Teens, Weirdness

Don't Expect a Hungry Man to Make Sense

Man to woman: The name “Pizza Hut” is so perfect, because it has “pizza” in the name, and they sell pizza!

Busch Gardens
Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Faye

Posted on August 16, 2010
Florida, Food, Guys, Names, Stupidity, Women

Presenting: the Difference Between Straight and Really Straight

Guy #1, wiping sweat off forehead: Dude, if we hook up with any o' these broads tonight, there's no way we could go down on them.
Guy #2, slamming rest of his drink: Well, maybe you wouldn't. Personally, I don't mind a little gravy on the roast beef.
Guy #1: Jesus, that's fuckin' sick, man! What the fuck is wrong with you?

Six Degrees Bar
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Big D

Posted on August 6, 2010
Bars & Clubs, Comebacks, Drinking & drunks, Food, Guys, Illinois, Insults, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Questions

The Show Could've Used More Salt

Mother to child: Mary*, what was your favorite part of the show?
Child, eating pretzel: This pretzel!
Mother's friend: Of course it is.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Bruce Banner

Posted on August 5, 2010
Food, Kids, Moms, Pennsylvania, Questions

Also How He Chooses a House Of Worship.

20-something guy, entering taqueria with friends: There better be a midget in a sombrero offering me salsa as soon as I get in the door, or I'm gonna be pissed.

San Francisco, Calfornia

Overheard by: Alex

Posted on August 1, 2010
Food, Friends, Guys, Restaurants, San Francisco, Stupidity, Threats, Weirdness

When Life Hands You Apples…

Serious guy: There is no… fucking… applesauce!

Dining Hall
UC, Santa Cruz

Overheard by: Willing to bet there's no regular applesauce either

Posted on July 25, 2010
California, Food, Fruit, Guys, Insults

The Chickenman?

Loud man on cell on bus: You know, I don't really care for turkey. Have it at Thanksgiving and sometimes Christmas, and I am sick of that shit. Now me, I like chicken. That's my thing. I'm a chicken man.

Austin, Texas

Posted on July 24, 2010
Birds, Compare and contrast, Food, Guys, On the phone, Texas

Why I Stopped Hanging Out with Meatheads.

Straight guy: Why do gay men love boobs but hate vaginas?
Gay guy: Because boobs are pretty and vaginas look like a roast beef sandwich.
Drunk guy: I could so go for Arby's right now.

Huaraz
Peru

Overheard by: Nick

Posted on July 23, 2010
Beauty, Compare and contrast, Drunks, Food, Gender issues, Guys, Queers, Rack, South America, Vagina

It Takes a While to Take a Cheez Whiz

Girl in stall with open door: I got cheese on my nipples!
Girl outside stall, to passerby: Sorry.
Girl in stall, in husky voice: I got cheese between my balls.
Girl outside stall: I'm so sorry.
Girl in stall: I'm so cheesy, sometimes I melt!

Women's Restroom, Public Library
Eugene, Oregon

Posted on July 17, 2010
Balls, Food, Girls, Nipples, Oregon, Restroom

…With a Three-Valium Chaser?

Posh-sounding, punk-looking 20-year-old girl on cell: You want to kill yourself? Oh. Have you tried having a having cup of tea?

London
England

Overheard by: Richard

Posted on July 16, 2010
Advice, England, Food, On the phone, Punks, Violence, Wishes

Food

The Chickenman?