Last Time I Tried That, the Other Girl and I Both Ended Up with Concussions

(women's restroom, a man in a Santa suit enters)
Drunk woman: Hey, you're not a boy!
Restroom attendant: You mean he's not a girl.
Drunk woman: Yeah, you're not a girl!
Drunk Santa: Ho ho ho, ladies! I just wanted to see what you wanted for Christmas!
Drunk woman: Huh?
Restroom attendant: I want money, haha!
Drunk Santa: Then cross your labia, ladies, and merry Christmas!
(he leaves)
Drunk woman: Wait, what?

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Elizabeth

Posted on October 19, 2016
Default, Drunks, Guys, Illinois, Insults, Money, Restroom, Santa Claus, Vagina, Wishes, Women

Regardless, I'll Never Look at Spaghetti and Meatballs the Same Way Again

Guy #1: I can seriously never eat Cup noodles again.
Guy #2: Why?
Guy #1: Because yesterday I was taking a dump and I felt it come out but I never heard it hit the water, so I looked down and it's dangling by a noodle!
Guy #2: Is that even possible?

California

Posted on October 16, 2016
California, Default, Feelings, Food, Guys, Questions, Weirdness

They Have a Ring on Them for Every Guy I've Slept with

Girl to man: You think I'm a virgin? Take a look at these titties and then tell me I'm a virgin!

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Maggie

Posted on October 7, 2016
Comebacks, Girls, Guys, Rack, Texas, Virginity

The Perils Of Undercooked Turducken

Guy on cell: And I was crouched down lookin' up at her, and all of a sudden this teal duck shot out her ass! Pass me them field peas.

Louisiana

Overheard by: 2 tables over

Posted on September 29, 2016
Ass, Birds, Food, Guys, Louisiana, On the phone

I Swear I Was Aiming for the Bed.

Hungover guy: Yeah man, so it was all good until I got so drunk that I pissed in my oven.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/289732218/youre-fine-if-its-self-cleaning.html

Overheard by: hah!

Posted on September 24, 2016
Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Guys, Overheard in Minneapolis, Pee, Weirdness

It Has the Jonas Brothers' Faces on It

Little boy: Look! An end-of-the world watch!

Smith's Marketplace
Salt Lake City, Utah

Posted on September 23, 2016
Default, Euphemisms, Geography, Guys, Kids, Utah, Words

If Not, a Dramatic Re-enactment Will Suffice

Male student: So after leaving my mom a note explaining I was going to New York, my friend and I just drove there. We saw a hobo pee in a cup then dump it out!
Female student: Sweet! Can I see?

Bus, University of Michigan

Posted on September 10, 2016
Bus, Default, Family ties, Geography, Girls, Guys, Michigan, Pee, Questions, Students

There Are Entire Websites Devoted to That Sort Of Thing, Sweetie.

Three-year-old daughter, pointing at huge woman: Dada, she has a big booty.
Father: Sweetie, you don't want to talk about other people's booties.
Three-year-old daughter: But dada, she couldn't sit on our toilet. It is too small for her.
Father: Okay. (hurriedly moves out of the aisle)
Three-year-old daughter: Her booty is too big for pee and poop to come out. She makes a big mess and gets it all over! (father starts pushing faster)

Supermarket
Quincy, Massachusetts