Bride-to-be: Oh my god! I'm totally getting wedding-day head!
Friend: Oooh! Is that like before the ceremony or after?
Bride-to-be: Huh?
Groomsman: Does the groom get some head too?
Friend: Hell no! That shit stops once they're married!
Bride-to-be: What? Oh my god, you guys! I meant I'm getting nervous!
Chicago, Illinois
Guy #1, wiping sweat off forehead: Dude, if we hook up with any o' these broads tonight, there's no way we could go down on them.
Guy #2, slamming rest of his drink: Well, maybe you wouldn't. Personally, I don't mind a little gravy on the roast beef.
Guy #1: Jesus, that's fuckin' sick, man! What the fuck is wrong with you?
Six Degrees Bar
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Big D
Guy #1: I hate Dylan*, he's such a cock clock, you should hear what he did.
Guy #2, first loudly then quietly: No, I've got a story for you! (mumbles story really quietly then gets loud again) So, I mean, it wasn't rape, she totally wanted it, she just happened to fall asleep in the middle.
Guy #1: I don't think this conversation is really appropriate at Burger King, there's kids around.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Brit-ta-nee
Girl #1 to guy: Oh, shut up! Be nice to me! I'm marrying your brother! Which means I'm gonna be like your sister!
Girl #2 to guy: Which means you won't be able to have sex with her anymore!
Chicago, Illinois
20-something guy, entering taqueria with friends: There better be a midget in a sombrero offering me salsa as soon as I get in the door, or I'm gonna be pissed.
San Francisco, Calfornia
Overheard by: Alex
Angry coffee drinker: He referred to his last sexual congress as “being balls-deep” in his lady.
Amused coffee drinker: Something tells me she was no lady.
Angry coffee drinker: That's what you take away from that?
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Serious guy: There is no… fucking… applesauce!
Dining Hall
UC, Santa Cruz
Overheard by: Willing to bet there's no regular applesauce either
Loud man on cell on bus: You know, I don't really care for turkey. Have it at Thanksgiving and sometimes Christmas, and I am sick of that shit. Now me, I like chicken. That's my thing. I'm a chicken man.
Austin, Texas
Straight guy: Why do gay men love boobs but hate vaginas?
Gay guy: Because boobs are pretty and vaginas look like a roast beef sandwich.
Drunk guy: I could so go for Arby's right now.
Huaraz
Peru
Overheard by: Nick
Midwestern guy to friend: So, I'm out shootin' in my yard and I saw this pipe stickin' out the ground! So I shoot it. Now, the minute I shoot I know I shouldn't have done that. So the damn pipe explodes!
Flight over Utah
