Guys

Woman #1: Oh my god, Jason Statham is so hot! I want to funk him so bad!
Woman #2: I know! When you're done, I'm next!
Hubby of woman #1: And when they're done, I want to smell his cock.

Islip, New York

Overheard by: Who is Jason Statham?

College boy #1: Like what does that mean? I don't go to class! Do you go to class?
College boys #2 and #3: No!

Emory University
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: On my way to class

Guy: I've heard that old people have the stickiest fingers.

Arvada, Colorado

Enthusiastic two-year-old boy: Mommy, my bottom just burped!

Illinois

Overheard by: martha

30-something black man on cell: Yeah. Put ketchup on it, it tastes like spaghetti!

All Star Cafe
Berkeley, California

Guy with mullet on cell: He's in that “oh, my wife just died” mood. (long pause) Yeah, I know. Boo-hoo, ya fuckin' pussy!

Plantation, Florida

Overheard by: Just wants to buy some Spaghetti-O's

25-year-old man: Hey, Bella, I got you funyuns!
Five-year-old girl: Ewwww!
25-year-old man: Well, fuck you then.

Lake View Terrace, California

Overheard by: James Jameson

Loud fat man on bus: When I first found out I had diabetes, I had my wife go out and buy me a big case of pudding cups. I opened each one up and poured them into a tub with some milk.
Friend: Oh?
Loud fat man on bus: My mother-in-law didn't believe I could eat it, but I sat down in front of her and drank the whole thing, just to spite her.

Portland, Oregon

Guy to couple: Hey there, what are you doing ?
Man: I'm teaching Nikki sexual sign language.

Hinckley
England

Businessman on cell: I could barely see over her head, dude! It was like reading Klingon for the first time.

Independence Avenue
Washington, DC