Guys

American guy: Hmm, what should we have for desert?
French girl: I’ve been craving crab cakes. With frosting.
American guy: Uhh, you mean cupcakes?!

3rd St West Hollywood
Los Angeles, California

White HS boy, in fake deep voice: That’s why titties and Tater Tots don’t mix!

33X Bus
Nashville, Tennessee

Five-year-old boy: How old are you?
Tutor: Twenty.
Five-year-old boy: Yeah, well, do you know how to make a monkey?

Dallas, Texas

Tipsy girlfriend, playing “Never Have I Ever”: Never have I ever done 69 with anyone.
Boyfriend: Ping.
Girlfriend: What?! Who did you 69?!
Boyfriend: You, fool!
Girlfriend: Oh.

Ohio University
Athens, Ohio

Overheard by: outfirst

Guy: I would ask her out, but she’s just so dumb. I mean, like, soo dumb.
Girl: Can’t you just overlook that for one night?
Guy: She’s not quite cute enough.

San Jose, California

Hooker: Hey baby, you looking for a good time?
Guy: Haha, hell no.
Hooker: Fine. All right then. Next!

Waikiki, Hawaii

Male art student: I’m in a creative writing class and I’ve been writing a lot of stories about mayonnaise.

Allegheny College
Meadville, Pennsylvania

Boy #1, talking to friend in between classes: Hey what did you do in English?
Boy #2: Oh… I broke up with Jessica*.

Berryhill High School
Oklahoma

Overheard by: BlakeMas

Male professor: I’m sorry, I just can’t sing “Some boys kiss me”. I know that’s desperately heteronormative, but I can’t help it!

Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Claire

Professor: So if we played the word association game, and I said the word “ice cream”, Tiffany might say “playground” because she used to eat ice cream on the playground. And then maybe if I said the words “ice cream” to Tom, he might say “sex” because he’s a serial rapist.
Tom: But I’m not.

SUNY
Geneseo, New York

Overheard by: Colin