Next Time She'll Sing The Beatles' “Ticket to Ride”

College girl: Can I have one ticket for the midnight train, going anywhere?
Ticket vendor: (blank stare)
College girl: Not so funny out loud as it is in my head, huh? One ticket to Rome, please!

Amtrak Station
Buffalo-Depew, New York

Posted on June 29, 2015
Default, New York, Offers and requests, Public transportation, Questions, Sorority types, Time Management

Then They Blew Each Other

High school girls: Then Mr Jones* said “if anybody knows an easy-23-year old, let me know.” and Jeff* told him “dude if I knew an easy 23-year-old, I wouldn't tell you.”

Bus
Vancouver
Canadia

Posted on June 26, 2015
Bus, Canadia, Girls, Offers and requests, Sexuality

Perhaps a Brandy Snifter Full Of Ocean Water, Then

Old woman at restaurant: What do you have to drink?
Exasperated waitress: Everything except root beer and chocolate milk.

New Brunswick, Canadia

Posted on June 25, 2015
Baristas, Canadia, Clients, Drinking & drunks, Offers and requests, Old folks

On the Way Home, She Drove Up on a Curb Going Two Miles an Hour.

Soccer mom who was just given champagne by lady doing her nails: This is my first drink in ten months! Oh my god, I'm buying some of this on my way home!

Nail Salon
Cumming, Georgia

Overheard by: Caylin

Posted on June 25, 2015
Default, Drinking & drunks, Feelings, Georgia, Moms, Offers and requests, Women

Hello? It's a Unicorn!

Dad to daughter: Just don't pretend you're riding a bucking bronco when you're in bed.

Seattle, Washington

Posted on June 24, 2015
Dads, Default, Offers and requests, Parenting, Washington, Words

I Have That on Good Authority from Your Mother

Toddler, pointing to gigantic bin ball: Daddy!
Father: Oh, believe me kid, we don't need any more balls in our house.

Shoprite in Clark, New Jersey

Overheard by: allison

Posted on June 24, 2015
Balls, Dads, Default, Kids, New Jersey, Offers and requests

The Kind Of Boy Who Grows Up to Be President

Eight-year-old boy playing Nintendo: Die! Die! Diediediediediediedie!
Older brother: Isn't that a little violent?
Eight-year-old: I'm goddam Kirby! I can do anything I want!

Houston, Texas

Posted on June 24, 2015
Death & dying, Default, Family, Games, Guys, Kids, Offers and requests, Questions, Texas, Violence

How to Come Out to Your Parents in One Easy Step

Dad: Oh, the menu says they have fish tacos. Have you ever had a fish taco? I've never had a fish taco.
Mom: No, I haven't. I don't think I'm going to get a fish taco.
Young daughter (under her breath): Fish tacos make me think bad things.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Overheard by: they make me think bad things too

Posted on June 22, 2015
Dads, Default, Fears, Feelings, Food, Girls, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Questions, Wisconsin

You Always Pee in Your Pants, Grandpa!

Man: You're going to need to empty your bladder.
Little girl (in squeaky high voice): I don't wanna empty my bladder!
Man (unashamedly loud): You'll need to empty your bladder before you get on the plane!
Little girl: Not fair!

St. Paul Airport
Minneapolis

Posted on June 19, 2015
Airports & flights, Body parts, Default, Girls, Guys, Kids, Minnesota, Offers and requests, Pee, Words

Elena's the Most Creative Pimp in Canadia

Oldish Ukrainian woman: How you have babies with hips like this? How you do this? So skinny. Tsk, tsk.
Skinny chick: Huh?
Oldish Ukrainian woman: Here, eat my husband's sausage. He fill you up. Eat! Eat!

Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia

Overheard by: not so skinny

Posted on June 18, 2015
Birthing, Canadia, Chicks, Food, Offers and requests, Old folks, Penis, Questions, Skinny people, Weirdness, Women

Offers and requests