Young pregnant mother, gratefully accepting seat on crowded tram: Come over here and sit with mummy, Adam.
Four-year-old: Noooooooooo.
Mother: C'mon, Adam, come sit with mummy.
Four-year-old: Noooooooo (but slinks over and sits down anyway)
Mother: Better?
Four-year-old: You've ruined my life, mom.
Mother: Yes, honey, I know.
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Soap Oprah
High school girl in hot tub #1: Ugh, my bikini won't stop falling down!
High school girl in hot tub #2: You do look a little… undersupported. Do you wanna trade tops?
High school girl in hot tub #1: Really?
High school girl in hot tub #2: Yeah, it's not like I need the support.
High school girl in hot tub #1: True.
(high school boys in hot tub stare intently)
Westchester, New York
Overheard by: Jenny Suburbs
Woman on cell: I just asked how’s he doing and he actually told me that he’s getting hard just talking to me. [Pause.] Well, what do you think I would say? “Oh ,that’s nice”!? Hell no! I said: “Oh crap! Sorry, I have another call, gotta go”. Yeah, that was definitely odd. Remind me never to be nice and try calling my exes again.
Florida
Flight attendant, doing safety instructions before takeoff: Pull on the tab to inflate the life vest. If that doesn't work, blow it up manually. If that doesn't work…thank you for flying Southwest.
Flight over Providence, Rhode Island
Obvious minor: Can I get a pack of Marlboro lights?
Mini-mart man: Do you have ID?
Obvious minor, indignant: Yeah, but I don't have it on me!
Mini-mart man: Would you like two packs for $9.45?
Obvious minor: No thanks, I'm trying to cut down.
Greenport, New York
Girl #1: Oh my god! Look at the little toddler snowsuits!
Girl #2: Will one of you please get knocked up?
Amherst, Massachusetts
Young single woman talking about her date with an older man: I was like, “Don't kiss me yet, you're an old man!”
San Rafael, California
Guy, walking up to greeter: You wouldn't happen to have any buttplugs, would you?
Target
Little Falls, New Jersey
Overheard by: harry bohemis
Professor on cell: And two students speak at the same time, completely disagreeing with each other. So I just shout “fight!”
University of Oregon
Kid #1: Yo, man! You're missin' somethin'.”
Kid #2: What?
Kid #1: Yeah, you look weird now that you got a haircut.
Kid #2: Huh?
Kid #1: You need to get some earrings!
SUNY
Old Westbury, New York
