Old folks

Older lady to complete strangers: So the last guy I dated, all he wanted was sex! We were on the beach and we passed a trench, and he was like “I'll put you in that hole!”

Escondido, California

Tayal tribesman bus driver: Sir, do you want to get off at this stop?
Old man: Yes, I want off at this stop, I am going to the dentist's.
Bus driver: What's wrong?
Old man: I have to have a tooth pulled. Can you believe that? I'm 82 but I still have to have a tooth pulled.
Bus driver: If you're going to have one pulled, you may as well have a bunch taken out.
Old man: That won't do, false teeth are expensive.
Bus driver: Then have boar tusks put in.
Old man: Boar tusks?
Bus driver (very earnestly): Yes, you can have two tusks put in on the lower jaw, and when they grow, they'll look great! (uses his fingers to demonstrate how the tusks would look growing out of his mouth)
Old man (laughing): It would take a long time for them to grow.
Bus driver: Not long! You're an old boar, but I'm just a young boar, so yours would grow much faster than mine!
(old man gets off bus laughing cheerfully)

http://talovich.blogspot.com/2008_08_01_archive.html#4067720002953022860

Overheard by: Yugan Dali

Older lady: This purse is perfect! It has two outside pockets! One for my phone and one for my teeth!

TJ Maxx
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Interesting Use for a Purse Pocket

Old man on cell: Are they suckling decently? (pause) You might as well get it over with and drown them, if you know what I mean. (pause) Well, yeah, but are they swallowing?

Michigan State University

Enthusiastic elderly Southern woman: There was BBs flying all through the winders, I was so upset I cried. I wasn't going to church at that time, but I went to Wal-Mart.

McDonald's
Richmond, Kentucky

Overheard by: Akilah

Old lady to emo girl: Al Gore is really saving the earth.
Emo girl wearing bag that says “go green”: Wait… Who's Al Gore?

Ketchikan, Alaska

Overheard by: Claire

70-something nun to another: I don't care about the bra straps. It's my boobs that really stand out in this shirt.

Holyoke, Massachusetts

Overheard by: ldiggitydawg

Old woman in wheelchair being driven around busy food court: I hate this place! All I can see are people's butts.
Old man behind her: So why are you having me cart you around the city in a wheelchair for?!

Mall
Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: I saw her later stand up…

Old religious woman to large crowd of highly amused students: Having pre-marital sex is like playing Russian roulette with your genitals!

Alumni Hill
University of Arizona

Overheard by: The girl who likes to live on the dangerous side

Elderly gentleman playing chess: You know, in college, when all of my friends were chasing girls, I was on the chess team…chasing wood.

Barnes & Noble
Augusta, Maine

Overheard by: Fia