Pee

Woman on cell outside Target store: And then he'll pee on your face!

San Jose, California

Small boy with ice cream cone, trying to get mom's attention: I peed my pants! I peed my pants! Mommy, listen to me, I peed my pants!
Mom, deadpan: I bet that's real uncomfortable for you.
Dad to son: When we get home we are just gonna have to hose you down.
Son to dad: Oh yeah, make me lay on the yard and then spray the hose on me, and on my penis, and down my pants on my penis!
Boy's brother, from minivan: Ew! You can spell the pee!

Bucks County, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: free birth control

Random guy at party: I can't believe I almost peed on that girl's face.

Fredericksburg, Virginia

Male student in campus center: So once you put on the wetsuit, you pee all over yourself. Then you're warm for the whole time!

Princeton University
New Jersey

Overheard by: excuse me?

Professor: Someone is going to take their pee and throw it at you. Yes. It is going to happen.

Parkside, Wisconsin

Very drunk girl: I'm going to go pee with my vagina.

Venice, Florida

Girl student: So, the Federal Government is like, a puppy, like (giggle) they're so cute… And like, you want to just cuddle them, then they're naughty and it's bad.
Teacher: Kelly, could you please explain a bit more? I'm not getting your reasoning here.
Girl student: Well…they do good things, and it's cute, then they like pee on your rug, and it's bad.
Teacher: I promise you, the next time a member of the Federal Government pees on my rug, I will go bonkers.

Boulder, Colorado

Overheard by: Tizri

Teen goth boy #1: Dude! That girl is so hot.
Teen goth boy #2: I know!I would so totally pee in her butthole.

Oak Park Mall, Kansas

Indie girl to friend: And then, as revenge, Jess urinated in her Nutella jar.

Train
Wollongong
Australia

Crazy lady, noticing long line: Is this the line to urinate? I can not believe this is the urination line. Unbelievable! I can't wait this long to urinate. There is no way. I have kidney problems. I need to urinate now. I don't wanna cut in line. I'll just go in the men's room. (as she enters men's room) I am a woman coming in here. I can not wait in a long line to urinate.
(a few minutes later, to women in line, while coming out) See! Your line hasn't even moved!

Hamilton Mall, New Jersey

Overheard by: last in line