Pee

A Woman With a Full Bladder Stops Believing in Multitasking

(in the ladies' restroom, after seeing camera flash from inside a stall)
Angry blonde in line: Oh, come on! There's a whole line of people out here who have to pee, and you twits are in there taking fucking pictures for your damn MySpace pages.
Two girls in one stall: We're just peeing.
Angry blonde, to no one in particular: Who the hell takes pictures of themselves on the damn toilet anyway? I can just see the caption on that one… “Night at Zen, usin' the potty.” Jeez!
(the two girls come out of the stall, obviously offended…in full 80s garb).
Angry blonde: Bwaaahhhaaaaa hhhaaaa hhhaaaa, (deadpan) Fucking losers!

Zen Night Club
Addison, Texas

Overheard by: If she hadn't said it, I would have

So You Like Admit Shooting the Sheriff, but Deny You Shot the Deputy?

High school football player #1: I'll be watching you guys from the stands today.
High school football player #2: What? Why? Did you get suspended?
High school football player #1: Yeah.
High school football player #2: Why?
High school football player #1: Cause of what I said. But I didn't pee in any helmets.

Langhorne, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Tom

Brenda's Expecting a Wee One

Girl sitting at desk: I've got to pee. I've got to pee. Urine needs to come out of my uterus.

Dayton, Ohio

Overheard by: LC

For Every World-Class Canadian Beer, There Are Hundreds of Failures

Dude #1: I think there's piss in my mouth…
Dude #2: Yeah man, that's piss-mouth, it happens.

Pemberton, BC
Canadia

Overheard by: Ben

People With No Boundaries Aren't Quite Sure When They're Having Sex

Girl in stall (yelling on cell): Oh, my god. Do you really have herpes? That's contagious, right? Should I get tested?
(flush of toilet)
Friend's voice on speakerphone: Am I on speakerphone in the bathroom?
Girl in stall: Yeah, I'm just peeing. So should I get tested?
Friend: I'm not talking about this on speakerphone.
Girl in stall: Okay, it's off… Oh, so you can only get herpes through sex?

Public Bathroom
Kent State University, Ohio

Overheard by: Laureen

I Wish They All Could Be California Girls

Girl suit (walking by a fancy art studio pointing at the concrete): Oh my god! That's totally where Ashley peed on Saturday night!
Friend: We didn't even walk down this street!
Girl suit: Yes we did! Because that's the trash can you were passed out over, this is the corner where I ditched you.

7th & J
San Diego, California

The Oft-Forgotten Second Lyric to “Do You Hear What I Hear?”

Drunk girl: I hear Michael Caine peeing!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

Barkeep, Another Hot Toddy for My Toddler!

Hipster girl: I know a couple people who have to wear diapers when they drink!

Old Tavern Bar & Grill
Sacramento, California

Overheard by: kat

Preschool-Level Sex Ed Only Leads to Confusion

Mom standing outside of bathroom stall: Honey, hurry up, there is a line waiting.
Four-year-old girl: I can’t, my body requires me to go slow.

Capitol Building Bathroom
Washington, DC

You Mean Conductors Are Like This Everywhere?

Train conductor: Thank you for traveling on this 3:30 service to Southern Cross. If you need to use the toilet, they are located at the end of each carriage for your convenience. Please remember to both close and lock the door, which will save you from embarrassment and other passengers from blindness.

Train Service to Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Meg

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