Dopey girl: I once figured out the secret of life.
Friend: Really? What?
Dopey girl: You see, that's the problem.
Friend: What do you mean?
Dopey girl: I forgot it.
Friend: Well, that sucks.
Dopey girl: Yeah. I would've made a lot of money off of that too.
Friend: Well, if it comes back to you…
Dopey girl: Oh–don't worry. You'll be the first to know.
Running Track
Loganville, Georgia
Teacher: What that show didn't tell you is that ferrets smell like dirty wet dog.
Seven-year-old girl: Well, you know you can get their scent glands removed.
Teacher: Yeah, but is that really good for them?
Seven-year-old girl: I think it's about the same as removing a dog's testicles.
Seattle, Washington
Loud guy on cell: A big colorful *what*?
UMaine
Orono, Maine
Overheard by: umm…
Woman #1: Where did you go to college?
Woman #2: University of Cape Town.
Woman #1: Oh, is that in Virginia?
Woman #2: No, it’s actually in South Africa.
Woman #1: Ohhhh, sorry, I’m bad with geometry.
Woman #2: …
Woman #1: I mean geology!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Actually, that was my mom.
Woman on cell: So what should I do? Tap dance all over it?
Skipton
England
Overheard by: Fredwina
Bimbette, standing in front of George Washington's sarcophagus: Hold on! So, where is George Washington?
Mount Vernon, Virginia
Overheard by: Bemused
Gay dude: No, they're just too greasy for me.
Fag hag: Says the Mexican…
Gay dude: Excuse me? I'm black by insertion.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: i don't like water
Girl #1: So what are we looking for here?
Girl #2, distractedly: A birthday card for my boyfriend Tom*. (pauses) I mean…
Girl #1: Oh my god, you totally just called your best friend your boyfriend! If that's not a huge Freudian slip, I don't know what is.
Girl #2: Freud can suck my dick!
Culpeper, Virginia
Overheard by: freudian follower
Five-year-old girl in dressing room: Mommy, do you put lotion on your boobies?
Victoria’s Secret
Oceanside, New York
Overheard by: Gette
College guy #1: Castaway is such a good movie… except why is it called Castaway? He wasn't cast away, he was just… lost.
College guy #2: Well, I guess he was kind of cast out of society because he was lost, you know?
College guy #1: Yeah…I still don't get it. It's not like someone came up to him and was like “Hey you, I'm casting you away!”
College guy #2: Right. Hey, you know what's another really good movie? Nanook of the North. It has an igloo in it!
Camp Randall Sports Center
Madison, Wisconsin
