Sexuality

But I'm Half Gay So It's Acceptable, Right?

Extremely effeminate boy (taking deep breath): So…I think I am bi. (flips hair)
Blonde girl (flipping page in magazine, sounding bored): Hmmm. Are you?
Extremely effeminate boy: Yes! (flips hair) I am bi!
Blonde girl: Well, duh. You never stop checking out other guys!
Extremely effeminate boy: I'm not gay, though. My mom thought I was gay.
Blonde girl: I know you're not gay. (pause) For one thing, you are looking at my boobs right now.
Extremely effeminate boy: Oh. Right.
Blonde girl: You feel like stopping?
Extremely effeminate boy: …not particularly.

Washington Square Park
New York City, New York

All the Other Times I Didn't Need the Vodka

Hipster girl: I wasn't invited to the wedding but maybe I'll go anyway. I could be your date. Who knows, maybe you'll even score.
Guy: Shit, all I have to do is give you two vodka sodas and point you to a pool and I'll score. Easy.
Hipster girl: One time that happened. One time.

Marta Train
Atlanta, Georgia

I Knew I Shouldn't Have Dragged You to That Bathhouse

Little boy (jumping off fire truck on a giant spring): Let's go to wienerland!

Miami, Florida

…the Underwear Model?

Woman walking out to parking lot to random guy: Hey dude, I have a picture of you in your underwear! Are you Jared's roommate?

Mexican Restaurant
Stillwater, Oklahoma

Overheard by: Confused yet amused vet student

And Hire a Tampon-Charmer to Make It Dance

Guy #1: I always wanted to open the door wearing nothing but a t-shirt and socks.
Girl #1 (pondering): I think that would be truly amazing. I don't know what would be more shocking, the penis or the socks. Probably the socks.
Girl #2: I guess I could do that next time you guys come over… Just (gesticulates around body) shirt and socks.
Guy #2: Naah. It wouldn't be that great, you not having a penis and all.
Girl #2: Oh, I guess I could wear a tampon! (puts finger in front of crotch and makes a “snakey” motion)

House Party
Pinheiros, Sao Paulo
Brazil

People With No Boundaries Aren't Quite Sure When They're Having Sex

Girl in stall (yelling on cell): Oh, my god. Do you really have herpes? That's contagious, right? Should I get tested?
(flush of toilet)
Friend's voice on speakerphone: Am I on speakerphone in the bathroom?
Girl in stall: Yeah, I'm just peeing. So should I get tested?
Friend: I'm not talking about this on speakerphone.
Girl in stall: Okay, it's off… Oh, so you can only get herpes through sex?

Public Bathroom
Kent State University, Ohio

Overheard by: Laureen

And So Short-Sighted

Girl to gay man: Well, if you're going to be a whore, be a classy whore!
Gay man: That's so hot.

Grand Junction, Colorado

Your First Mistake Was Trying to Talk to Him

Black girl to girlfriend: He's young, like 24, 25. And get this: I was like, “So, what else do you do?” and he goes “I make beats.” I said, “Of course you do.”

Subway
New York City, New York

Overheard by: EL

God: La La La La La–Can't Hear You!

(guy grabs girl's hand and licks cotton candy off her finger and licks finger)
Girl: Be careful, you don't where these fingers have been.
Guy: Well, I know last night they were in your vagina.
Girl: Shhh! People can hear you!
Guy: No one's even listening to us!

San Diego, California

Eddie Murphy Is a Thrilling Public Speaker

50-something gentleman: Honey, the last time I ran was from a drag queen prostitute, and that was ten years ago. I don't run.

Valencia Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: McN

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